


of course it's you

by corvidbabushka



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: "enemies" they are just dumb, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Lesbian AU, Slow Burn, When Harry Met Sally AU, and if you haven't watched/liked the movie also let me know what you think, but i thought of this in my head and i needed to get it out or i'd go crazy, idk i am rotten like this is too crazy for me, if you've watched/liked the movie let me know what you think, it follows the movies pretty closely but updated etc etc, perhaps some angst idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26945131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corvidbabushka/pseuds/corvidbabushka
Summary: After their college graduation, Brooke needs a way to get to New York, and Vanessa has a little, yellow sedan. They do not fall in love driving through Indiana, and they don't even think they'll ever see each other again.New York just seems to be too small of a city.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Comments: 70
Kudos: 45





	1. chapter i

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first time I've written/posted anything for any reason anywhere, so it is quite nerve-wracking. I did really enjoy writing this, and there is more written, but I thought I'd test the waters and see if I died from embarrassment or not. I'm rambling. Let me know what you think, though!

Amanda had messaged Vanessa that she and Brooke Lynn would be near the campus’ main building. It was an unusual arrangement. Graduation had just been the day before, and Vanessa had packed everything that fit into her little yellow sedan, ready to finally begin her life. She had been telling Amanda about her journalism fellowship in class a couple weeks ago, and that was when she had suggested it.

“Oh my gosh, you know what? Brooke Lynn is moving to New York after graduation, too. For law school,” Amanda blushed. “It’s all very exciting; I can’t wait to visit her out there.” Despite the fact Amanda and Brooke Lynn had only been together a couple months, Vanessa had heard about law school and future trips to the city enough times to make her cringe inwardly about her friend’s sappiness.

Amanda shook her head, as if to return to the conversation, “Anyway, she’s been looking at flights, but if it wasn’t inconvenient, maybe you two could ride together?”

Vanessa had immediately thought that it _would_ be inconvenient, thank you. Being trapped in her car with a stranger for 12 hours would be like pulling teeth. But then she thought about it a little more. Brooke Lynn wasn’t technically a stranger; if anything, there was a very low chance that her friend’s girlfriend would murder her in the middle of Indiana. It would be 12 hours with someone she had never met, but Vanessa was charming and outgoing and every other similar word. And then, she wouldn’t have to drive 12 hours alone, and then they'd also be able to drive in shifts. What could be the harm? So Vanessa told Amanda that it wouldn’t be inconvenient at all.

Now, Vanessa pulled up to two women kissing like they weren’t in the most crowded part of their university campus. She lowered her window to say hi to her friend, but neither of them had noticed she was there. Vanessa cleared her throat to get their attention. When that didn’t work, she tried a “Hey!” which came out a little loud and overly sweet. They both turned toward her. Amanda’s eyes widened even more before she squealed, “Hi!” — multiple exclamation points at the end.

“Sorry for interrupting,” Vanessa grinned sheepishly. “The trunk’s popped open if you’re ready.” She used her head to point to the back. Amanda’s girlfriend was tall and blonde. Her sleek hair was cut to barely touch her shoulders, and she still looked incredibly put together in her cardigan and sneakers — more than anyone had any right to be. Brooke Lynn gave Vanessa a tight smile before moving toward the trunk to store her stuff. With the car window still down, Vanessa heard the trunk slam shut and a loud goodbye from Amanda. Peeking at the side mirror, Vanessa saw that they had started kissing intensely again. They were getting late. Vanessa honked her horn and saw them both jump apart. “Ready to go?” Vanessa asked, her normal gravelly tone replacing the cloying one from before. She saw Brooke Lynn quickly kiss Amanda one more time and say cheekily, “Miss you already.”

Vanessa turned to face the passenger seat as Brooke Lynn got in. She had to adjust the seat to accommodate for her legs, and Vanessa felt self-conscious at how close she had to be to the wheel. They both waved goodbye to Amanda, Vanessa shifted the car into drive, and they left campus for the final time.

* * *

When they pulled onto the highway, Vanessa began talking logistics. “Okay! So it’s a little under 12 hours from Chicago to New York, so it’ll be six total shifts of two hours each, but if you wanted to do it by mileage, there’s some math in my phone that—” she was interrupted as Brooke Lynn got out of her seat, bumping into Vanessa’s shoulder, as she looked for something in her bags. Brooke Lynn sat back down, and Vanessa saw a small bunch of purple grapes in her hand. She held them out, “Grape?”

“Um, no thanks,” Vanessa replied, to which Brooke Lynn shrugged and started eating as she looked out the window. Vanessa started to fear this drive was not going to be as enjoyable as previously thought, but she calmed herself down and tried to turn up the charm. “So, how did you and Amanda meet?”

Brooke Lynn turned to face her as though she was surprised Vanessa had started talking. “Uh, we were in the same English elective this past semester, so,” she trailed off and stared intently at the road in front of them.

Vanessa gripped the steering wheel tighter; this was going to be so uncomfortable. She reached to turn up the music when Brooke Lynn asked her a question, “So, what’s your story?”

“What?”

“You know, what’s the story of your life? We’re going to be together for a while, so we might as well start somewhere.”

Vanessa blushed, “Oh, well we wouldn’t even get out of Chicago by the time I finished my story. My life hasn’t started yet.” Brooke Lynn raised an eyebrow, “You’re saying you’re 22 years old, and your life hasn’t started yet.”

“Well, yeah. That’s why I’m moving to New York: to become a journalist and start my life.”

“Oh, right, so you can write stories about other people living their lives.” Vanessa saw her knuckles turn white as she held on to the steering wheel even more, “Are you always this cynical?” Brooke Lynn shrugged, “Are you always this happy?”

“Just because I’m happy doesn’t mean I’m not deep or whatever.” She saw Brooke Lynn smirk, “Yeah? You’re happy, and you think about death a lot?”

Vanessa rolled her eyes, “Thinking about death makes you deep?” She already regretted asking.

“You know, every time I start a book, I read the last page, so in case I die before I finish it, I’ll at least know how it ends.” Vanessa scoffed, “Well, that seems unnecessary.” Brooke Lynn made a noise of disagreement before adjusting to face the road again, and Vanessa felt bad for creating the tension.

“Look, Brooke Lynn—” “Brooke.” “I’m sorry?”

“Just Brooke. I’ve told Amanda I feel like I’m in trouble with my mom whenever she calls me by my full name. It’s just Brooke.”

“Oh. Well, Brooke—” “And it’s fine.” “Huh?”

“Don’t apologize; it’s fine. We don’t have to be best friends by the end of this. It’s okay if we disagree on some things.”

Vanessa tripped over her words, “Oh, well, okay.” She looked over as Brooke reached to turn up the music and settled into her seat to look out the window and finish her grapes.

* * *

Brooke turned on her indicator as she got ready to pull into the diner parking lot. “He puts her on the plane because he doesn’t want her to stay.”  
Brooke let out a short laugh, “I don’t even think she wanted to stay.” Vanessa looked at her incredulously, “Are you joking? Of course she does. Wouldn’t you rather be with Humphrey Bogart over the other guy?”

“Even if I was into men, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in Casablanca married to some guy who runs a bar. I’d rather be the first lady of Czechoslovakia.”

Brooke parks in a spot right in front of the diner, which looked like it was stuck in the 1950s. She took the keys out of the ignition, but Vanessa continued, “You’d rather be in some loveless marriage than with the love of your life just because he owns a bar and that’s all he does?”

Brooke reconsidered, “Oh, well maybe if it was the greatest sex of my life.” Vanessa’s eyes widened, “That doesn’t matter. He’s the love of your life.”

Brooke smirked before getting out of the car, “Oh, I get it now.” Vanessa was right behind her, her voice rising with offense, “What does that mean?”

They entered the restaurant, “It makes sense why you care about someone being ‘the love of your life’,” Brooke made air quotes around the phrase. She turned to the hostess and gestured for a table for two. “And what makes sense about that?” Vanessa’s voice was becoming raspier as she got louder.

Brooke looked over her shoulder right before following the hostess to their table and said, “You’ve obviously not had great sex yet.”

“Yeah, I have,” Vanessa was right on Brooke’s heels.

“No, you haven’t,” Brooke’s smile was audible in the statement. She walked over to a chair to sit.

“I have had a lot of great sex,” Vanessa felt her face burn when she realized the diners around her and the hostess had heard her. She sat down across from Brooke, refusing to look up from the menu.

“With who?”

“Huh?”

“With whom have you had this great sex?”

Vanessa looked up to see Brooke looking at her intently, “I’m not telling you shit.”

“Okay,” Brooke opened her menu.

After a few beats, Vanessa relented, “Sally Albright.”

Brooke looked at her again. Vanessa hated how intense her eyes were. “Sally? No. You didn’t have great sex with someone named Sally.” “I did too,” Vanessa was embarrassed at how childish she sounded.

“Sally can bake really good chocolate chip cookies. Sally can knit a sweater like nobody’s business, but Sally’s strengths cannot be in bed.” Brooke kept going, changing her voice to mimic the gritty tinge of Vanessa’s, “‘I love you, Sally. Come on, Sally. I can’t get enough of you, Sally.’” Vanessa imagined punching Brooke.

A waitress came over to the table, “What can I get you?” Brooke tilted her head, “Could I get the number three?” “What bread do you want that on?” “Whole wheat’s good.”

The waitress turned to Vanessa, “And for you?”

“Could I get the chef’s salad, but keep the vinaigrette on the side.” The waitress began writing and Vanessa kept on, “And I’d like an apple pie à la mode, but I’d like the pie heated and ice cream on the side, too. And if you have strawberry instead of vanilla, that’d be nice, but if not, just whipped cream. Only if it’s real, though. If it’s a can, then nothing.”

“No pie at all?” “No, I’d still want the pie, but just not heated.” The waitress rolled her eyes the tiniest amount as she finished taking their orders and then left. Brooke stared at Vanessa in disbelief.

“Is there something on my face?”

“No, it’s nothing. So why’d you break up with Sally?”

“Who said I did?” “Because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here with me, you be somewhere with her.”

“Girl, first of all, I am not with you. And second of all, it is none of your business why her and I broke up.” Brooke held her hands up in surrender, “You’re right. I don’t want to know.”

Vanessa raised her brows at the woman across from her and began rapping her nails on the vinyl table. “If you’re so worried, she was very jealous, and I had days of the week underwear.” “Days of the week underwear?”

“Yeah, I thought they were funny, and I liked them, but one day she said to me ‘You never wear Sunday. Where’s Sunday?’ blah blah blah. And I told her why, but she didn’t believe me.”

“What?” “They don’t make Sunday.”

“Why?”

Vanessa got shy, “Because of God.”

Brooke waits a moment then says, “That’s not true."

“What’s not true?”

“That they don’t make Sunday.”

“You saying I’m lyin’?”

“No, just that they do make Sunday.”

“I’m saying they don’t.” “Well, I’m saying they do,” Brooke leaned back in her chair and stretched her legs. They briefly touched Vanessa’s, and Vanessa tucked her feet under her chair right after. After a minute or two or ten, their waitress returned with their food. There hadn’t been any strawberry ice cream or real whipped cream.

When they got their split bills, Vanessa scrutinized hers. As she tried to calculate the tip in her head — the tip of her tongue sticking out her mouth, she glanced up to see Brooke staring at her again. “Something wrong?” Brooke shook her head, “You’re just very attractive.”

Vanessa sat up and blushed, “Thanks.”

“It’s just that Amanda never said you were so attractive.”

“Maybe she doesn’t think I am.”

“I don’t think it’s a matter of opinion.”

Vanessa got up and headed for the door, “Brooke, Amanda is my friend.” Brooke looked genuinely confused, “So?”

“So you’re her girlfriend.”

“So?”

“So you’re hitting on me.”

They were in front of the car now. “No I wasn’t.” “Was too.” Vanessa walked to the driver side and pulled the handle. It was still locked. She looked at Brooke who took the keys out of her fanny pack and threw them over. When they were inside, Brooke said, “I wasn’t hitting on you. I was just saying you’re pretty.”

Vanessa thought she must have been telling the truth, “Okay, well please don’t. Let it lie. I think it’s best if we’re just friends.” It didn’t matter that Vanessa thought Brooke was really beautiful, like heart-doing-somersaults beautiful. Vanessa might’ve been a romantic, but this was not a meet-cute, especially if the other person was in a committed relationship with one of her friends.

“Yeah, sure,” Brooke replied, smiling in a way that made Vanessa get butterflies. “Friends. That’s best.”

When they pulled up in front of Brooke’s friend’s apartment building in New York, Vanessa got out to help Brooke get all her stuff out. After she had everything, Brooke looked at Vanessa like she wanted to say something, but chose to say instead, “Thanks for the ride.”

Vanessa put her hands in her pockets, “No problem.”

“It was nice knowing you,” Brooke winked.

“Yeah,” Vanessa drew out. “It was interesting.” They nodded at each other. Something felt unfinished. Brooke walked into the building as Vanessa drove off.


	2. chapter ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jump! We are in a plane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just uploading the first two parts of this at once don't mind me

_Three years later._

Vanessa laced her fingers through Kameron’s hair. “Just one more,” Vanessa smiled against her girlfriend’s mouth. They kissed again but became aware that someone was standing next to them. Thinking they’re blocking the way to the airport security line, they break apart and take in the woman standing in front of them.

“Kameron! I thought it was you,” Brooke’s eyes lit up. “It’s Brooke. Brooke Lynn.” Vanessa tried to hide herself behind her girlfriend as she looked Brooke over. She looked good. Of course. Her hair just a smidge shorter from last time. The black oversized blazer hit the end of her black dress, and her sheer black tights seemed to go on forever before ending in almost non-sensible heels for boarding a plane. Vanessa closed her eyes to get the woman out of her head, trying to think of the person she had just been kissing. Kameron and Brooke hugged as the former asked excitedly, “How have you been?”

“Good! Good,” Brooke tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You still working at Method?”

“Yeah, I am! What about you? You found a better hair salon?” Brooke blushed a little at the teasing, “Of course not, just moved out of Greenpoint. No one compares to you.” It was obvious to Vanessa that the two of them knew each other well because Kameron wouldn’t be this animated with a stranger. She snuck another look at Brooke and wondered if she remembered her.

Suddenly, Kameron nudged Vanessa forward, “This is Vanjie, by the way. We, uh, used to live in the same building.” Vanessa looked up at her girlfriend to see her smile sheepishly then looked back at Brooke. There was a glint of recognition in her eyes, but maybe the nickname confused her.

“Hi,” Brooke said, and Vanessa could only nod. “It was nice to see you, Kam. I’ll see you around,” she turned and went off to the security area. Vanessa let out a sigh of relief as Kameron looked at her. “Thank God she didn’t recognize me. I drove from Chicago to New York with her after graduation it was one of the longest nights of my life,” Vanessa was speaking a mile a minute. “She hit on me, and I said no because she was dating one of my friends! She was dating—” she stopped to think.

“I can’t remember her name,” Vanessa ran her hands through her hair. “I was such good friends with her that I wouldn’t get with her girl, and I can’t even remember her damn name.” Kameron put her hands on her shoulders, “Then what happened?”

“Huh?”

“She hit on you and then—” “Oh! Yeah, she hit on me, and I said no and we should be friends, and I guess I remember thinking that maybe she hadn’t actually, but,” Vanessa shook her head. “Ugh! I’m only 25, and I can’t even remember shit that happened three years ago. You should break up with me. It’s only downhill from here.” Kameron laughed and kissed her again.

“Amanda Reese. That was the girl’s name.” They kissed again.

“You need to get in line.”

“I know.”

“I’ll miss you.” Kameron took a breath and then, “I love you.”

Vanessa’s eyes lit up, “Yeah?” Kameron nodded.

“I love you, too.”

* * *

Vanessa was trying to read her book. Honestly, she swore she was. But how could anyone read or do or think anything when the man next to her kept fidgeting in his seat like he was five instead of 45. Or when she kept remembering the fact that Kameron had said she loved her. Or when she knew Brooke was in the row right behind her, and could sense her head popping up and down to get a look at her. Vanessa’s brain was already in overdrive with her ADHD, and nothing was helping. She saw the stewardess get to her aisle with the drink cart. Maybe they had tea. Tea was supposed to help calm you down, right? Vanessa wasn’t a tea person, but maybe it’d help. She asked the stewardess what kinds they had, but whatever she said did not register with Vanessa. The reason she needed the tea was so she could focus, and she couldn’t even focus on what kinds they had.

The stewardess ended with Earl Grey. _Oh, I’ve heard of that one_ , Vanessa thought. “Could I have the Earl Grey?” she adjusted in her seat to face the woman. “And I’d like one — no, two sugars. Also a splash of milk. Just a splash. And could I get an extra napkin for when I take the tea bag out? Thanks.”

In the corner of her eye, Vanessa saw Brooke rise up again, “University of Chicago, yeah?” They made eye contact. “Yes,” Vanessa said. Brooke sized her up, “Did we ever…” “No!”

The man next to Vanessa was suddenly very interested. The stewardess hands Vanessa her tea and moves on. “No. Fuck. No,” Vanessa turned to speak to the man. “We drove from Chicago to New York after graduation.”

The man gives a glint of a smile, “Would you two like to sit next to each other?”

Before Vanessa can say anything, Brooke jumps in, “Yes. Thank you!” They quickly change seats, and the pit in Vanessa’s stomach grows deeper. Now that they were much closer, Brooke looked a little shy. Vanessa remembered their drive together. Brooke had been annoying and cocky, but she was reserved. Vanessa hated how she wore her heart on her sleeve and had been jealous that Brooke could keep those emotions hidden. She hated that after 12 hours together, Brooke knew more about her than she knew about Brooke. Not that it mattered since it was obvious Brooke had forgotten all about her. Vanessa hated that even more.

“You were a friend of…” Brooke trailed off. “Ah, fuck.”

“Of Amanda’s. I can’t believe you don’t remember her name.”

“Hey!” Brooke looked mock offended, “I remember just fine. Amanda. Amanda Rice.” “Reese.” “Reese. Right. How is she?”

Vanessa’s cheeks turned slightly red, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? If I remember correctly, you two were such good friends that you didn’t sleep with me.” Vanessa rolled her eyes, “Stop. If I remember correctly, you said you didn’t hit on me.”

Brooke’s face became very pink. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_. “You — you were going to be a gymnast?” “Journalist.” “Exactly what I said. And how’s it been going?”

“It’s been going great.”

“And you’re with Kameron. That’s great. How long’s it been, like, a month?” Brooke seemed genuinely interested, which annoyed Vanessa. “Yeah. How’d you know that?”

“She took you to the airport. At the beginning of a relationship, you take someone to the airport,” Brooke checked her nails before continuing. “I haven’t ever done that because when things move on, and you stop taking them to the airport, they can’t say, ‘Hey, why don’t you take me to the airport anymore?’”

“You look like a normal person, but you’re actually a robot freak, y’know that?”

“Nice insult,” Brooke grinned. “You gonna marry her?”

“It’s been a month.”

“I’m getting married.”

 _What_! “What?”

“I’m getting married. Her name’s Nicky.”

“That’s awful optimistic of you,” Brooke made a questioning face. “You know,” Vanessa gestured around vaguely. “Getting married. Spending your life with one person.”

“Well, it’s surprising what falling in love can do for a bitch like me.” “I didn’t call you—” “Nah, you were thinking it. It’s okay, honestly. I know I’m a bitch.” Vanessa was not thinking that Brooke was a bitch.

A voice on the intercom came on to say they’d be beginning their descent into Washington, D.C. The same stewardess from before walks through with a trash bag, and Vanessa throws away her untouched tea.

Vanessa and Brooke are walking next to each other. Vanessa had to hurry to keep up with the taller woman, but — it must be her imagination — it seemed like Brooke noticed and slowed down. It had to have been her imagination.

“You’re staying overnight in the city?”

Vanessa has to really tilt her head to look at Brooke, “Yeah.”

“Wanna have dinner together?” Vanessa raised her eyebrows, remembering that Brooke can raise just one of them, which was another reason for her to hate her. “What? Just as friends.”

“I don’t know, Brooke. I have some work to do before tomorrow, and I better get on it since I didn’t do anything on the plane.” Brooke shrugged and kept on walking. She didn’t speed up.

They reached the glass doors that lead outside. “Brooke.”

She turned, one eyebrow raised. Goddamn. “Yes, Vanjie?”

“Goodbye.”

She gives a small smile, “Okay.”


	3. chapter iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After three more years, Vanessa and Brooke are not where they thought they'd be by now. It feels as though it's time for a change for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading so far! I've been super happy seeing that people like the story. A lot of this has already been written, so hopefully, I'll get it out somewhat regularly. Let me know what you think, though! <3

_Three years later._

Vanessa was late. As usual. She rushed through the crowded sidewalk as fast as her heels would let her go, as fast as she could without her plaid skirt riding up. When she reached the restaurant, she can hear them before she spots her friends. She walked over to their table, and is greeted by excited squeals from the three women. “Girl, fucking finally!” A’keria says through a sip of her drink. “We thought you ditched us.”

Vanessa sat at the empty seat, across from Monet and said, “Ooh, bitch, you wish, don’t you.” She smiled as Monet and Silky snort at the comment. A’keria reached over to squeeze Vanessa’s hand, “You know that ain’t true.” Vanessa winked, “‘Course I do.”

A waiter comes over to take Vanessa’s drink order. She drums her fingers on the table as she quickly looked over the menu. She looks up at the waiter, “Could I have a tequila sunrise? But I’d like the tequila and orange juice in a glass with ice, and the grenadine on the side in another glass. I’d like to mix it myself. And no cherry, please.”

After the waiter left, Vanessa tuned back in to the conversation her friends are having. Monet was moving her hands around wildly, “So, I looked through his pockets,” “Bitch, now why would you do that?” Monet ignored Silky and kept on, “So, I looked through his pockets, and I found a receipt for a $300 handbag for his wife. He just went out and spent $300 on a nice-ass handbag for his wife.”

“From where?” A’keria interrupted.

“That’s not the point. The point is that he’s never gonna leave her.”

“But, babe, you’ve known that for two years.” Monet looked down at her lap after Vanessa spoke, “I know, I know.”

“Why can’t you find someone single?” A’keria asked, “When I was single, I knew lots of single guys. Girls, too. There has to be someone. Vanjie found someone.”

“Vanjie got the last good one.”

“Kameron and I broke up.” The way A’keria, Monet, and Silky’s jaws dropped at the same time made Vanessa feel like they were in a sitcom.

“What?” “When?”

“Monday.” Silky leaned in, “You waited three days to tell us this?”

A’keria jabbed her fork in Vanessa’s direction, “And you’re not upset about this?”

Vanessa shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess not. It’s just, fuck, we were just growing apart.” She untucked her hair, hoping the curls would block out her friends’ pitiful faces. She didn’t want to be babied.

Monet looked almost horrified, “But… but you were a couple! Capital ‘C’ Couple! You had someone to go places with. Someone to bring as a date to an office party.” She yelped when A’keria lightly slapped her arm to get her to shut up.

“I just said to myself: ‘Bitch, you’re 28 years old. You deserve more than this.’” Silky started rubbing Vanessa’s right shoulder, “Yes, ma’am. Yes, you do.”

“And it’s been a couple days, so I’ve gotten used to it.”

“Well, that’s good,” Monet pulled out her cell phone and began scrolling. A’keria asked, “What are you doing?” Monet looked up at Vanessa, “Vanj, I’ve got the perfect girl.”

“How about you go out with her?” A’keria said as she rolled her eyes.

“I’ve got someone.”

“Bitch, you’ve got someone that someone else has. That they had first.”

“Well, I don’t find her attractive,” she stuck her tongue out at A’keria before continuing, “But you might.”

“Monet, I’m not ready yet.”

“But you just said you’re okay!”

“Yeah, but,” Vanessa groaned as ran her hands through her hair. “I’m, like, in a mourning period.” After a moment, she asked, “Who is it?”

“Jackie Cox.”

“You set me up with her five years ago.”

“Okay,” Monet scrolls through her phone some more. “How about Yvie Oddly?”

Silky chimed in, “She’s been married for, like, a year.”

“Look, thanks a lot. I appreciate it. But I don’t wanna get into another relationship right now. It’s just gonna end up being a rebound, and it wouldn’t be fair to her.”

“Vanjie knows herself best. If she doesn’t need anyone, she doesn’t need anyone,” Vanessa looked at A’keria gratefully. If A’keria said something in just the right way, the other three would always see sense. It was just until then that they would be like three headless chickens trying to scream about their head being gone. The waiter came back to take their lunch order, and Vanessa looked at the specials, trying not to think about her ex and if she had made a mistake.

* * *

“When did this happen?” Nina asked. The train had pulled up right before, so Brooke didn’t answer until they were both inside. Nina spotted two open seats and grabbed Brooke’s hand to lead her to it. When they were settled, Nina looked at her best friend expectantly, “Well?”

“Nicky comes home Friday and just blurts out ‘I don’t know if I can do this anymore.’ And I’m confused, like what is she talking about? Her job? Cleaning out the litter boxes? Being engaged for 50 million years? So, I ask her, and she says, ‘I don’t know if I can be with you anymore.’” Nina’s mouth is a small “O,” and Brooke keeps going, “She — she said it so casually. Like it wasn’t a big deal that she was breaking up with me. And because of that, I said, ‘We don’t have to rush this. Talk to me about what’s wrong.’ The next day, she says, ‘I’ve thought about it. I don’t want to do this anymore.’”

Brooke’s breath hitched and she squeezed Nina’s hand to stop herself from crying, “And I asked her if she didn’t love me anymore, and…” Brooke was sure she was cutting off the circulation to Nina’s hand. “And she said, ‘I don’t know if I’ve ever loved you.’”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Nina began to stroke Brooke’s hair. It was longer now. Brooke had cut it before law school because she thought it would make her look more professional, but by the time she realized she hated it, she had started dating Nicky, who wanted her to keep it short. If Brooke believed in signs or destiny or whatever, maybe she would’ve seen the moment she decided to grow her hair out as the beginning of the end of her relationship. If Brooke believed in that stuff. “God, that’s harsh.”

Brooke mumbled in agreement, and then kept going. Because of course there was more. “But then she says a friend of hers is going on some sabbatical or _Eat, Pray, Love_ trip or whatever, and they’re subletting their apartment, so she’s gonna go there. And just as I’m saying, ‘I can’t believe this,’ there’s a knock at the door. There’s a knock, and I open the door, and there are movers there.”

“What the fuck?”

“Yeah. They’re there, and so I ask Nicky, ‘When did you call these guys?’ She doesn’t answer, so I turn to the guy in front, ‘When did she call you guys?’ He doesn’t say anything, so I repeat myself. And I’m beginning to get scared that I’m invisible or something because why else would Nicky want to leave me? She’s leaving because I’m invisible, and I’m not outgoing, and I like to spend Saturday nights with the cats.”

“Our stop’s next,” Nina takes hold of Brooke’s other hand. “Keep going.”

“Right. Right. So I repeat myself, and Nicky says ‘A week ago.’ A week. The moving guys knew I was getting dumped a week before I did. And I asked her why they knew before I did, and she said, ‘I didn’t want to ruin your birthday.’”

The train stopped at the 190th Street station, and Brooke and Nina walked out holding hands, “Fuck. Her,” Nina said as they push through the turnstiles to get out. “That’s not even the worst part.”

“Oh, God, what is worse than that?”

“It was all a lie. She’s in love with some other girl. She sells fancy clothes on Etsy or something. She moved in with her.”

“How’d you find that out?”

“She left some things behind, and I had to go over and give it, and her ‘roommate’ answered the door,” Brooke’s voice dripped with acid. “I think that’s why she was flighty about getting married. There was someone else, and she couldn’t make up her mind or whatever.”

“You know, I’ll kill her if I ever see her again. Where’s she live now? Fucking SoHo? I’ll beat her up if she steps foot in Inwood again.”

That got a laugh out of Brooke, who had to keep sniffing her nose to stop snot from running out. “Thank you, Nina, but I don’t think there’s anyone in the world that you could beat up. A squirrel, maybe. Actually, probably not.”

They reached Nina’s apartment building and start walking up the stairs. The elevator was broken again. “I just feel like a fucking idiot. I didn’t think I would ever feel that way about someone, and then I did, and I asked her to marry me. And in the end, we never got married, and I look like a fool.”  
Nina unlocked her door and led Brooke to the couch, “Maybe there’s a silver lining. At least you got to keep the apartment.”

Brooke, who had had her face in her hands, glared at Nina with red eyes. Nina put her hands up, “What? I’m just trying to find the bright side.”

* * *

Vanessa had been trying to find a book on urban planning by some crotchety NYU professor for the past two weeks, and when she saw it was finally in stock again at The Corner Bookstore, she dragged Monet to come get it with her. She needed the book, so she could read it and have somewhat intelligent questions for when she interviewed the author on new city redistricting. Her friend kept complaining about how they had to go all the way down to the Upper East Side just so Vanjie could get some “boring ass book,” but she kept quiet after Vanessa bought her an iced mocha from the nearby Starbucks as a thank you.

Monet was nearing the end of her drink and kept making these annoying sucking noises to get it all through the straw. The noises suddenly stopped, and Vanessa whipped her head around to find her friend, but she was still right next to her, safe and sound. “There’s some white girl staring at you from over in the travel section.”

Vanessa turned to see what Monet was looking at and saw Brooke. Brooke with long hair. Brooke in a very nice cream-colored sweater and green corduroys. _That is so fucking annoying_ , Vanessa thought. It was like she just got prettier and prettier as time went on. “I know her,” she told Monet as she tried to get back to looking for her book. “She’s married. You’d like her.”

“Who is she?”

“Brooke Lynn Hytes. A lawyer or something.”

Monet grinned, “She’s cute.”

“Is she now?”

“How do you know she’s married?” “The last time I saw her, she said she was getting married.”

Monet thought about that for a minute, “Well, when was that?” “I don’t know, like, three years ago? Can you help me, please?”

“In a minute. That doesn’t mean she’s still married.”

“Okay, but she’s obnoxious.”

“That is _just_ like a rom-com. The girl says ‘You are the most obnoxious—’” “Stop.” “‘—woman I’ve ever met.’ But they still fall madly in love.”

“She probably doesn’t remember me, anyway.”

“Vanessa Mateo,” the two girls jumped at Brooke’s voice. “Hi, Brooke,” Vanessa cringed inside at how high her voice got when she said that.

“I thought it was you. Sorry for the scare,” Vanessa smiled a little at the Canadian inflection on the “sorry.” She gestured to Monet, “This is… this was Monet.” Vanessa looked out the window and saw her friend wave and walk off. _Bitch_.

“How are you?”

“Good. You?”

“Fine. How’s Kameron?”

“Fine, I’d guess.” Brooke cocked her head to the side, “You’re not with her anymore?” Vanessa shook her head, “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Well, you know,” there was a pause. “How’s married life?”

“Oh! Well, fine. Wait, not so fine. Never got married and just got dumped. She met someone else.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry. Fuck, girl, I’m really sorry. Did it just happen?”

“Yeah, like a couple weeks ago.” “Oh, that’s when Kameron and I broke up.”

“Oh, wow. Coincidence. Guess everyone in New York breaks up this time of year.”

“Yeah, too much pressure for how to celebrate Easter,” the snort that came out of Brooke makes Vanessa way too proud. After a moment, Brooke asks, “What’re you looking for?”

“This book on urban planning. I need it for the next couple articles I’m writing.” Brooke gave a soft smile, “What’s the title? Maybe I can help you find it.”


	4. chapter iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke and Vanessa get coffee after leaving the bookstore, and they actually seem to have a good time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this one is relatively short, so I think I'll publish ch 5 tomorrow probably? Let me know what you think. Thanks for being so kind and supportive! xx

Brooke pushed the door open for Vanessa and followed her into the café. They both stood looking up at the menu for a while, and it felt like neither of them wanted to be the first to order. After a minute or so, Brooke summoned up the courage to ask Vanessa, “Are you ready to—” “I think I’m ready.” They broke into giggles, and Vanessa said, “You go first. What were you gonna say?”

“Are you ready to order?”

“Oh, exactly what I was thinking. Look at us!” she flashed a smile before getting in line to order, leaving Brooke, who stood frozen in place. She did not like the backflips her stomach was doing in response to that smile. _God, I’m a fucking wreck_ , Brooke thought before joining Vanessa in the line.

Vanessa reached the cashier, “Hi! Could I get an iced latte with oat milk, please? And instead of the double shot, could I get a triple? And I’d also like some of the hazelnut syrup, but only if you can mix it into the coffee. If it’s on top, I don’t want it.” She paid and moved to the side to wait for Brooke.

“Could I get a macchiato? Yeah, in a mug is fine.”

Vanessa led the way to a table she had found. Brooke wondered how tall she had to be. It seemed like even 5’5 was pushing it. The table was next to the window facing the street, which seemed like a miracle considering how crowded the small café was. They sat across from each other and watched the people outside in silence. Brooke shifted back to the table and noticed the way Vanessa seemed to vibrate in her seat. “Are you sure you should be having more caffeine?”

“Hm?” Vanessa’s eyes kept flitting over every part of the coffee shop, and it took a few moments before she processed what Brooke had asked. “Oh, don’t worry. Caffeine isn’t that effective for me. I just drink it for fun.”

Brooke snorted. She hated how she kept doing that in front of Vanessa. “Some parts of you haven’t changed at all, you know that?”

Vanessa gave a teasing smile, “What did you even know about me for it to have changed?”

“I don’t know,” Brooke thought about it for a minute. “Same big ball of energy. Same look as if you know something no one else does. Same extremely long and specific food and drink orders.”

“Hey! I just like things the way I want ‘em. And I won’t get mad at waiters or nothing if they get it wrong. But if I want something, how else am I gonna get it if I don’t ask?”

Brooke supposed that was true. It was just that the thought of asking for anything — whether it was an extra shot of espresso or for Nicky to not leave her — petrified her. “Fair enough,” she countered. _Very clever, Brooke_.

“What parts of me have changed, though?” It had to be Brooke’s imagination, but Vanessa suddenly looked nervous. But that wasn’t possible.

“You seem much more professional,” Vanessa loudly gasped and muttered a drawn-out “Bitch…” under her breath. “I meant that in a good way! It’s nice that you’re doing well. I don’t know; sometimes, I feel like I grew up and became boring while everyone else stayed young and exciting. You grew up, and you’re still exciting.”

“Oh, thank you. That’s very nice of you to say,” she beamed. “I wish I could say the same about you. You still seem boring as shit.”

“Hey!” “I’m kidding! Kidding!”

One of the baristas called to say their drinks were on the counter, and Brooke offered to get them both. When she got back, Vanessa practically sang her thank you and gave her another smile. Brooke had the sudden desire to capture each one she got and put it in her pocket. She took a sip of her macchiato. It wasn’t half bad, but she thought it was still way too expensive. “Um, so,” Brooke tucked some hair behind her ear. “Do you wanna talk about Kameron?”

Vanessa took a long drink from her straw and tried to figure out where to start. “Uh… when we got together, Kameron and I wanted the same things, you know? I didn’t have to be married to be with the person I loved, but I wanted something real and long-term. I wanted, like, someone to commit to me if I committed to them. We were both these huge romantics. Prince Charming and _The Notebook_ and shit. 

“And at the beginning, there was a lot of romance, I think. Like, fantasy romance. But, you know, I’m not dumb. I know you can’t feel that honeymoon love and all that forever. Things settle, and it just becomes comfortable. But it didn’t, though. Like, I thought this person wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, but it’d been three years, and she didn’t even give me a key to her place — fucking forget moving in together or something. Sometimes it felt like she stopped caring. Like,” she takes a breath and bows her head as if to hide her expression from Brooke. “It was like she loved me, but she didn’t like me.”

Vanessa sounded so defeated when she had finished speaking, and it broke Brooke’s heart. “I wish I could make it better for you,” she said quietly and instantly regretted it. That had been way too intense. But Vanessa locked eyes with her and gave another smile for Brooke to pocket. “Thanks,” she replied softly. “I wish I could make it better for you, too.”

* * *

The sun had begun to set by the time they leave the café. It was late March, so the nights were still cool, and Brooke and Vanessa huddled together as they walk toward the subway station. Though it was New York City, and the sidewalks were crowded, the only thing Brooke could hear was the sound of Vanessa’s laughter bouncing off the building walls.

“I can’t believe you live in Inwood. We’ve been, like, 10 minutes away from each other for so long, and we never even knew.”

Brooke smiled warmly, “I know. Biggest city in the United States and all.”

“And everyone still hangs out with the same people they knew when they moved here.” Brooke laughs at that, and they’re both quiet as they walk down the station steps and swipe their Metro cards.

“You know,” Vanessa looks sheepish. “When we first met, I don’t think I really liked you very much.”

“I don’t think I liked you.”

“That’s not possible. You did too like me, but you were just so uptight then. Now, you’re much more calmer.”

“I hate that. It sounds like a compliment, but it’s actually an insult.”

“Ugh, fine,” Vanessa playfully rolled her eyes. “You’re still as hard as nails.”

“What’s the statute of limitations on apologies?” Vanessa looked confused, so Brooke elaborated, “You know, for hitting on you. At least, allegedly.”

Her eyes lit up with understanding, “Oh, y’know. Six years.”

“Perfect. I’m getting it in at the last minute.” Vanessa laughed, and it made Brooke feel really, really good. They heard the announcement for the A train, and got ready to get in. The station was crowded on the Thursday night with everyone on the platform buzzing to get home. Right before the train doors opened, Vanessa grabbed Brooke’s hand so they didn’t get separated, and Brooke felt her face turning pink. _It’s only because of how hot it is here_ , she told herself.

There weren’t any seats left, but they found a subway pole for just the two of them. As the train moved up north, Brooke and Vanessa chatted about anything they thought of. It was so easy to talk to Vanessa; Brooke thought it was ridiculous they hadn’t originally got along. She wanted to tell Vanessa everything, anything that would make her laugh or smile. When the announcement for Vanessa’s stop came on, she heard her say, “Brooke?”

“What’s up?”

“Do you wanna have dinner sometime?” The look on her face was the most earnest thing Brooke had seen. She wasn’t sure how to take this, “Are we becoming friends now?”

“Well, I… yeah, I guess we could.”

Brooke smiled so wide she could swear her mouth reached her ears, “That’s great. This is amazing. Yeah, I’d love to have dinner sometime.” The train stopped at 168th Street, and Vanessa’s eyes widened, “Oh, shit. I don’t have your phone number. You on Instagram?”

“Yeah, it’s @bhytes.”

“Nice, I’ll follow you. You better follow me back, bitch.” The train doors opened, “Bye, Brooke Lynn,” she exclaimed, drawing out the “bye” and “Lynn.” When she was on the platform, she turned around and yelled, “Deuces!” just as the doors closed between them. Brooke hoped Vanessa could see her laughing, and she gave a tiny wave in the hopes she did. The train lurched forward, and Vanessa was gone, replaced by the wall of a tunnel. Brooke felt her phone vibrate, and she felt ridiculously happy when she read the notification.

_vanessavanjie started following you._


	5. chapter v

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The year after Brooke and Vanessa become friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! This one was probably one of my favorite chapters to write in this because I love writing vignettes, and writing these two as friends is so, so fun. Thank you lots for reading and commenting!! xx

Henry was crying. He hadn’t been hurt, but Brooke had been working on the couch for a couple hours without paying attention to him, so he kept walking across her lap and meowing loudly. For the fifth time in as many minutes, Brooke picked up the cat and placed him next to her, “For the last time, Henry, just sit beside me if you’re that lonely.”

She sighed and placed her laptop on the coffee table before sinking into the couch. Absentmindedly, she began petting Henry’s back and felt a wave of contentment when she heard him purr next to her hip. She picked up her phone with her other hand, and before she registered what she was doing, Brooke had clicked on Vanessa’s name in her Recents and was calling her.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Brooke blew a lock of hair from her face that had escaped her bun. “You asleep?”

“Nah, I’m watching _Casablanca_.”

Brooke shot up, “Where are you watching it?” She could hear the other woman snicker on her end of the line, “It’s a local station. Try channel 11?”  
She grabbed her TV remote and quickly flipped to 11. Brooke hears it on her TV first and then, with a slight delay, through her phone at Vanessa’s. _Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine_.

“You’d still rather be first lady of Czechoslovakia than with Humphrey Bogart?” Brooke giggled at the way Vanessa struggled to pronounce the country’s name.

“Depends on how good Humphrey is at sex.”

“Well, with a name like that…”

* * *

Brooke was sitting in bed, a thermometer in her mouth. She tried to get up, but at that moment Vanessa came in with two bowls in hand. “Hey! What did I say? Stay. In. Bed.”

“Vanjie, I’m fine, I swear,” but Brooke still got back in. The thermometer beeped, and without looking at the temperature, Brooke showed it to Vanessa and said, “Look, I’m better.”

“Bitch, that says 100 degrees. Nice try, though.” Vanessa shifts next to Brooke to get comfortable and then hands her one of the bowls. “It’s meatless chicken noodle.”

“How’d you get it to be meatless?”

“It’s like fake chicken. Made with soy or some shit.”

“Did you make this?”

“No, I like you too much to kill you with my cooking. A’keria did.” Brooke snorted at that. She has a spoonful, “It’s really good. Tastes like real meat, too. Tell A’keria I said thank you.”

Vanessa sticks her lip out in a pout, “No thank you for me for taking care of you?”

“I’m not thanking you for keeping me hostage in my own bed, Vanessa.”

She drinks some of her soup before responding, “The minute you get better, I will be killing you, you know. So, watch out.”

“Like I would ever eat your cooking.” 

* * *

It had been a good day. Vanessa woke up at 6:30 a.m.; the sun had still been in the middle of rising. She did yoga. She transcribed interviews and sent in a draft of another story. She went and bought new clothes. She went to the grocery store and bought ingredients for a meal, and she was determined to make this meal work.

_September 8, 8:14 p.m._

_**V:** I fell asleep at 7:30 last night_

_I don’t think I’ve done that since I was like eight_

_**B:** Isn’t that some sign of chronic fatigue?_

_**V:** why would I have chronic fatigue? I’m not the fancy pants lawyer here_

_**B:** I’m not fatigued_

_**V:** kettle. black._

_**B:** Vanjie, that doesn’t even make any sense_

_**V:** you don’t make any sense_

_**B:** *eye roll*_

_September 8, 9:32 p.m._

_**V:** omg Brooke lynnnnnnnn!!!!_

_I made dinner!!!!!! and it was good and didn’t taste bad!!!!!!!!!_

_**B:** Wait, what?_

_Seriously?_

_What’d you make?_

_**V:** fettucine alfredo with broccoli_

_it’s goooooooooooood_

_**B:** Can I have some?_

_**V:** now?_

_**B:** Idk whenever_

_**V:** come over now if you can_

_**B:** Are you serious?_

__

_**V:** yes bitch now hurry up before I eat it all!!!!_

* * *

Brooke texted Vanessa that she found a free bench near the fountain. A few minutes later, she saw the smaller woman running toward her with an ice cream cone in each hand. “Here ya go,” Vanessa said as she handed Brooke a cone and collapsed onto the bench. “Thank you. Can you just send a Venmo request for whatever I owe you for this and the museum ticket?” Brooke asked before sitting down next to Vanessa.

“Yeah, no problem.”

A couple — two women — walked past them. The look of love in their eyes made Brooke want to vomit.

“I don’t miss her,” Vanessa said out of the blue. “I really don’t.”

Brooke wasn’t convinced, “Not even a little?”

“You know what I miss? I think I miss the idea of her.”

“Maybe I miss the idea of Nicky, too,” Brooke stared hard at her ice cream. “No, I miss the whole Nicky.” Vanessa took Brooke’s free hand and gave it a tight squeeze. Brooke felt like melted butter inside. She gave a squeeze back.

* * *

“What did Billy Crystal say in _When Harry Met Sally_? ‘There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.’”

“Brooke, shut up,” Vanessa pushed the door for both of them, and they left the movie theater for the subway station. The sun had set while they were in there. “Please tell me you don’t believe that bullshit.”

“Of course I don’t. But, I don’t know,” Vanessa knew Brooke was purposely ragging on her, but it didn’t stop her from pinching her friend’s upper arm in annoyance. “Ow! I’m just saying. Wouldn’t you say there are high maintenance people and low maintenance people?”

“Who cares?” Vanessa was ahead, so when she suddenly stopped, Brooke ran into her and almost fell. She turned around, “Which one am I?”

“You think you’re low maintenance, but you’re actually high — ow! Fuck. Jesus, Vanessa stop pinching me.”

“Stop hating women.”

“Come on,” she deepened her voice for her best Vanjie voice. “‘I’ll have the house salad, but without the regular dressing. I’d like balsamic vinegar and oil, but put it on the side, please. I’ll also have the salmon with mustard sauce, but put the sauce on the side.’ ‘On the side’ is, like, a very big thing for you.”

“I’ve told you before; I just want it the way I want it.”

Brooke smiled at her. She felt full of love, “And you know what, babe? That’s okay. You want what you want. You won’t stick around for what you don’t deserve.” Brooke felt heartsick all of a sudden, “I wish I was like that sometimes.”

Vanessa knew she was thinking about Nicky. Not for the first time, Vanessa briefly imagined what it would be like to kick the living daylights out of her for hurting Brooke — for hurting her friend. “No, don’t hate on yourself,” she adjusted her left arm so that they were linked at the elbow. “You’re the biggest control freak I know. Very, very high maintenance.” Brooke pocketed that toothy grin, “I guess we’re perfect for each other, then.” 

"I guess so.”

* * *

When Vanessa was younger, she was obsessed with Ancient Egypt. Her dream job was to be an archaeologist, but she gave up on the idea when she realized how boring most of the job was. Being a journalist, though — discovering and writing about New York and its people and the stories that lived there — felt like the best parts of her childhood dream job wrapped into a neat, little present. Still, she visited the Met often, spending most of her time at their Egyptian temple exhibit as she reread the placards in front of it over and over again.

Vanessa left the temple to find Brooke looking at the Egyptian art collection in a nearby room. She walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. In her best Donald Duck voice, she said, “I’ve decided that we’re gonna talk like this for the rest of the day.”

Brooke’s eyes crinkled as she quietly laughed. She tried to imitate Vanessa, “Like this?”

“Repeat after me.” “Repeat after me.”

“May I have some pepper?” “May I have some pepper?”

“Pepper.” “Pepper.”

“Pepper.” “Pepper.”

Brooke said something new this time, “May I have some pepper on my paprikash?” “May I have some pepper on my paprikash?”

“I think I’ll have some orange juice.” “I think I’ll have some orange juice.” Vanessa was trying really hard to not laugh as loud as she knew she could. There were already a couple people staring at them.

“Do you wanna see a movie tonight?” “Do you wanna see a movie tonight?”

Brooke spoke in her normal voice, “Wait, that was a real question. Do you wanna see a movie tonight?”

Vanessa’s stomach dropped. In her real voice, “Shit, no, I can’t. I — I have a date tonight.”

“Really?”

“I was gonna tell you later, but… I don’t know,” Vanessa kept fiddling with her hands. “It just feels weird.”

“Why? We’re friends.”

“Yeah, but we’ve just been so—” “Hey,” Brooke put her hands on Vanessa’s shoulders. “I think it’s great you have a date.”

“You sure?”

“Of course,” with her hands still on Vanessa’s shoulders, Brooke leaned back to inspect her outfit. “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Vanessa looked down at her white cable knit sweater, denim skirt, and tights, “Yeah, I think I will. It’s supposed to be pretty casual, why?”

“You should wear dresses more. You look really good in dresses.”

She felt bashful at the compliment, “Do I?” “Yeah.”

They started walking out of the exhibit. “You know, Brooke,” Vanessa said tentatively. “You should get out there, too, y’know. Maybe it’s time for you, too.”

Brooke put back on the Donald Duck voice, “No, no. I’m not ready.”

“You’re still bad at that.” Vanessa switched into the voice, “I think it’s time.”

“I can’t. I’m too busy.” Vanessa raised her brows in disbelief, and Brooke relented.

“I don’t know,” she was back to her normal voice. “Maybe I will.”

* * *

_Louie, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship_. “That is the best last line of a movie, ever,” Brooke said into her phone. As the credits roll, Brooke kept talking, “I really think I’m coming down with something. Like, a 24-hour tumor. An ulcer in my stomach, mouth, everywhere. I heard they’re going around.”

“You don’t have a tumor.”

“How do you know? Are you a doctor?”

“No, but if you’re so worried, you should go see one.”

“Don’t mock me, Vanessa.” Brooke whispered the next part, “You know how I feel about doctors.”

“Yeah, I do, scaredy cat.” “Hey!” “What? It’s true, girl.”

“Besides, a doctor will just say it’s nothing.”

“You think you’ll be able to sleep?” Vanessa sounded concerned. There was rustling on her end as she got ready to go to bed.

“If not, I’ll be okay.”

“What’ll you do?”

“I’ll stay up all night and moan, especially about how you don’t believe in my tumor. Wait, I’ll practice now,” Brooke started to moan into the phone and basked in the way Vanessa laughed through her phone.

“Good night, Brooke.”

“Good night, Vanjie.” Brooke is still moaning, and Vanessa is still laughing when they hang up.


	6. chapter vi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke and Vanessa start dating again, but don't get why they don't seem to like anyone enough. Their friends, though, have a couple thoughts on the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, again!! Not a lot to say about this other than b+v are stupid on purpose. This is a bit short, so I'm thinking about putting up ch 7 soon-ish. Thanks for reading!!

Vanessa was lying on Brooke’s floor. “It smells good,” she yelled, and Brooke turned around to see Henry and Apollo resting on Vanessa’s torso as she pet both of them. “How did you get in that position?”

When she lifted her head, Vanessa’s dark hair was all mussed up, and Brooke was confused on why that made her feel like she had to avoid eye contact. “I don’t know. Maybe they’re mind controllers and hypnotized me to lie on the floor for them.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about their mind control abilities.”

“You think they didn’t make you forget that on purpose?” Brooke walked over and gently picked up both cats off of Vanessa’s stomach. She extended a hand, and when she got up, Vanessa smoothed her hair before asking, “All good?” Brooke gave a noise of agreement and a smile before going back to check on their pizza.

“It’s honestly really bad that neither of us can cook,” Vanessa observed as she sat on the counter. It didn’t escape Brooke that she was short enough that her head didn’t hit the cabinets. She asked herself, _Why are you thinking about that_?

Brooke put the back of her hand on her forward and said in a mock Southern accent, “Oh, how will we ever find a husband now?”

“Haha,” but Vanessa’s smile was genuine. “I’m just saying: life would be easier if I could cook.”

“Life would be way easier if I had a million dollars and could hire someone to cook.”

“Oh, wait, that sounds better. Yeah, let’s hire a chef.”

“Okay, I’ll put an ad out tomorrow on Craigslist.”

“Craigslist? Don’t do that, you’ll get us Hannibal Lecter or something, and I know you’d taste gross.”

“Aw, I love you, too.” The oven timer went off, and the two women huddled around it to look at the pizza inside. “Ooh, bitch,” Vanessa said under her breath. “That looks real good.” With her oven mitts, Brooke took out the pizza and placed it on the table. She heard Vanessa open a drawer and return with a pizza cutter. As she cut the pizza, Brooke got plates, wine, and glasses. They sat next to each other, and Brooke wanted to stop and take a photo of how giddy Vanessa looked.

“We did it, Brooke,” Vanessa declared after her first bite. “I think we made the best meal in the history of the world.”

“It is really good. Good for us.” Brooke remembered something, “‘Nessa! You never told me about how it went with that guy you had dinner with on Friday!”

“There’s nothing to tell. It was a disaster.” Brooke gestured for her to elaborate, “I had to carry the conversation the whole night because he was the driest motherfucker in the world. And right before the bill came, you know what he did? He took some floss out of his pocket and started cleaning his fucking teeth at the table.”

“Loose floss?” “Nah, it was in a little container, but, girl,” Vanessa took Brooke’s hand. “It was still the grossest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“My date Saturday was worse.” “Oh, really? Spill.”

“She was nice, but I’m sure she thought I was just a bitch. I tried to make a couple jokes, and she didn’t get any of them—” “Well, that’s because you’re not funny.” “Shut up. She didn’t get any of them, so I stop trying and just make small talk, and I ask her where she went to school, and she says Michigan State, and that reminds me of Nicky, so now, I’m in the middle of this big anxiety attack, and I’m so upset that I have to leave the restaurant.”

Vanessa’s mouth is in a small frown, “Did Nicky go to Michigan State?”

“No, she went to Northwestern, but they’re both Big Ten schools.”

“Damn.” Vanessa thinks for a moment, “It’s going to take a long time, I think. It’s gonna be a while before we actually like going out with someone new.”

Brooke nodded, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“And it’ll be even longer before we feel comfortable enough to sleep with someone.”

“I mean, I did sleep with her.”

“You slept with her?”

“Yeah.” “Oh.”

Vanessa drank some of her wine, “Is this the one from Trader Joe’s that I got last time?” 

* * *

Nina takes two towels from the rack as she and Brooke leave the spin class. “I don’t know if any health benefits is worth going through that a second time,” Nina pants as she takes a long swig from her water bottle.

“It gets easier the more you do it.”

“There has to be a way to work out that doesn’t make me want to die.” Nina wasn’t satisfied with the distracted laugh that Brooke gave her, and when she faced her, she saw her friend typing something lightning quick on her phone. When Brooke saw Nina’s face, she gave an apologetic smile as she put her phone away. They linked arms as they walked back home in a comfortable silence. Brooke looked at Nina with adoration whenever she thought about her oldest friend.

“I’m not sure I get it,” Nina said unprompted. “What are you talking about?”

“Vanessa,” Nina clarified. “You enjoy being with her, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You think she’s pretty?”

Brooke thought about Vanessa’s black hair in Dutch braids, the way her brown skin looked when she wore red, how her eyes almost sparkled every time she saw Henry and Apollo. “Yeah, she’s pretty.”

“But you two aren’t together?”

“No.”

“Are you, like, afraid to be happy or something?”

Brooke groaned, “Nina, come on. Aren’t you proud of me? I’ve made a new friend. I leave home even when you’re busy. Don’t you see this as a big step for me? I’m becoming more mature.”

“You’re 29.”

“To be human is to always be changing, Nina. And it’s freeing, you know? You know every way I’m a disaster and every mistake I’ve ever made. It’s kind of like I can say anything to her.”

“There’s stuff you can tell her that you can’t tell me?”

“No, no! It’s just different. She just has this whole different view of life that I’ve never considered.” Brooke squeezed Nina’s arm and rested her head on her shoulder, “My heart only belongs to you, though, my love.”

“Oh, shut up,” but it was clear Nina was preening from the compliment. “I just want you to be happy, Brooke. You deserve someone who makes you feel so loved.”

“You don’t have to have a romantic relationship to feel loved. I have you; I have ‘Nessa. I have my mom. I feel loved every day.”

“Okay.” Nina let go of Brooke’s arm to rub her friend’s back, “As long as you’re happy, I’m not worried.”

* * *

Silky’s squeals as she and A’keria downed shots carried throughout the apartment. Vanessa carefully touched the cookies that were cooling on the baking sheet. Satisfied with their temperature, she yelled out, “Monet, hurry the fuck up! The cookies are ready!”

“Vanjie,” A’keria used her teacher voice. “Be quieter — _way_ quieter. I can’t have my neighbors complaining about y’all three again.”

Monet entered the kitchen skipping and chanting, “Christmas cookies, Christmas cookies, Christmas cookies.” Silky and Vanessa joined in, getting increasingly louder as A’keria tried to get them to calm down. “I’ll throw them away if you don’t shut up.” The chanting stopped almost immediately.

The four women sat at the kitchen table; they had already made the icing and dyed it different colors. Silky, Vanessa, and Monet had screeched like harpies when A’keria revealed that she even got some fancy piping bags so that their cookies could be neat. “Can you turn up the music. This is my song.”

“Silky, it’s _Silent Night_.”

She looked at Vanessa, “So? It’s still the best Christmas song.” The other three laughed at Silky as she sat looking confused, but A’keria eventually turned up the volume for her.

After almost an hour, there were only a few undecorated cookies left, and the girls were using the leftover icing to give each other manicures. Monet asked, “Vanjie, how’d your date last night go? Who was it with again?”

“There’s no point remembering it. He was weird. Guy told me he had an ‘air collection.’”

“What the fuck is that?” Silky asked.

“Just, like, air. He has a bunch of mason jars full of air that are labeled with, like, important moments from history.” A’keria asked, “What does he have?”

“The day Obama got elected. The day they said Pluto wasn’t a planet anymore. The day the Cubs won the World Series.” 

Monet leaned forward, “Was he at these events?”

Vanessa finished decorating Silky’s nails, took a couple of the unfinished cookies, and began writing Brooke’s name on them in cursive. “No, he would literally just go outside when something important happened, scoop up some air, and label it.” The other three tried to not laugh too loud at the explanation.

“Why don’t you go out with Brooke?”

Vanessa looked up at A’keria, “We’re just friends.”

“Sure, but if there was a chance you two could be more…”

“Nah, she’s…” “She’s what?”

Vanessa sighed as she finished drawing pink icing hearts on Brooke’s Christmas cookies, “She’s a mess.” She was too busy with making her hearts to see the way her friends scrutinized her. Monet broke the silence, “Then why are you making her cookies?”

“She’s a nice mess.”


	7. chapter vii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brook and Vanessa celebrate New Year's together, realize a thing or two, then try to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loved loved loved writing the New Year's party and double date here. Let me know what you think about the story so far!! As always thank you lots for reading and commenting it makes my day each time!!

There was glitter everywhere. It was falling from the ceiling, sprinkled all over the tables, even covering the soap dispensers in the bathrooms. Every so often, Vanessa would get on her tiptoes and make Brooke bow her head so she could wipe off any glitter that landed in her middle part. When Brooke had tried to do the same for her, Vanessa had smacked her hand away and told her that she spent too much time on her hair for Brooke to mess it up.

It wasn’t really a problem for Brooke either way. The way the glitter shimmered in Vanessa’s high half ponytail made her look out of this world. Brooke felt like a melt when she first saw Vanjie a couple hours ago when she picked her up for the New Year’s party. She had opened the door with only her makeup done, “I know, I know. I’m running late.” She closed the door behind Brooke and gestured for her to follow into her room.

Brooke walked into Vanessa’s room and saw makeup products strewn across the floor in front of the floor-length mirror. The mess was a blip in the otherwise immaculate room. At first, it was a little surprising that heart-on-her-sleeve Vanessa kept her room — and the rest of her apartment for that matter — so clean, but it ended up making a lot of sense. She wanted things just the way she wanted. Vanessa was touching up in front of her mirror and looked at Brooke through it, “You look really pretty, Brooke Lynn.”

Brooke saw her face flush, “Thanks.” She looked at the mirror to smooth her hair and try to discreetly adjust the red-gold triangle bodice so that it fit more snug. She then fell onto the bed and took out her phone to distract herself. It took 10 minutes for Brooke to realize she was alone in the bedroom when she sat up and called out, “‘Nessa! Where are you?”

“Bathroom! Go pour some shots! I’ll be out in a minute.”

Brooke walked to the kitchen and found the tequila and shot glasses like it was her own place. She poured two shots, then downed one and refilled it. “Hey, if you get two, I want two.” Brooke looked up and felt frozen in place. Vanessa’s dress had a similar plunging neckline to Brooke’s, but the long sleeves, and the dark rainbow sequins, and the way it hugged Vanessa’s body made Brooke feel like an overgrown elf. _Please be fucking normal_ , Brooke told herself. “You… you look great,” she handed Vanessa a shot. “Seriously. Very pretty.”

Vanessa beamed. Pocketed. “Thank you. We’re gonna be the hottest bitches there. I can’t wait.” She downed her shot and gave back the glass for a refill. Brooke had to use all of her concentration to pour without spilling.

That dress seemed to hate Brooke. It shimmered in all directions when Vanessa was dancing. It would ride up ever so slightly whenever she reached up to get out the hair glitter or whisper something in Brooke’s ear. When they played a slower song, the sequins poked into Brooke’s shoulders where Vanessa’s arms rested. It also didn’t help that Brooke was much too aware of the interlocked fingers that held her neck. Their constant presence — along with having to stare at Vanessa’s face as she hummed the current song absentmindedly — made Brooke realize something she needed to stuff deep, deep down if she knew what was good for her.

“Thanks for agreeing to go out tonight,” Vanessa’s voice snapped Brooke out of her thoughts.

“Forget it. If neither of us are with somebody next year, you’ve got a date.”

Vanessa’s smile at that was heartbreakingly earnest. Pocketed. “It’s a deal.”

They kept swaying to the music for a moment. Vanessa snuck a glance at Brooke, and, for a split second, there was something there. Maybe it was a beginning. Maybe an inkling. They lock eyes and bask in the tender moment, which was gone as quickly as it came. The song ends, and Brooke asked, “Do you wanna get some air?” Vanessa nodded and they walked out onto the deck. They both leaned over the railing and looked out at the skyline. Everyone around them started counting down from 10, and then they screamed out “Happy New Year.” It felt like everyone around them was kissing.

Through some unspoken agreement, Brooke and Vanessa lean toward each other and quickly kiss. It feels too platonic, too romantic, too unsure. They break apart, and both get shy.

“Happy New Year,” Vanessa says, her voice like honey.

Brooke tries to put as much love as possible into her words, “Happy New Year.”

* * *

“I’m beginning to think he’s never gonna leave his wife.” Vanessa forced herself to not roll her eyes, “Babe, no one thinks he’s gonna leave her.” She grabbed Monet’s hand to make sure her friend kept walking. Vanessa was determined to get to the restaurant on time.

“I hate that I let you talk me into this. I’ve finally accepted that my life doesn’t need a romantic relationship to be good.”

“When did you accept this? Two minutes ago?” Vanessa had to pull Monet to keep her by her side. “You’ll really like Brooke, I promise.”

“If she’s so great, why don’t you go out with her?”

“I’ve already told you. Brooke is a good friend of mine. Just good friends.”

Monet stopped walking, “She’s ugly, isn’t she?” Vanessa had to take several deep breaths to calm down, “You’re being childish. She’s not ugly. Hurry up.” They started walking again.

“Well, she can’t be that attractive,” Vanessa looked Monet for elaboration. “You aren’t dating her, and earlier, you told me she was a ‘nice person.’”

“What are you going on about?”

“If she was hot, you wouldn’t say she was nice. You would just say she was hot. And you’d be dating her.”

“Maybe she’s hot and a nice person.” They turned the corner, and Vanessa saw Brooke and Nina waiting outside. She turned to Monet, “Do not call anyone ugly to their face, okay?”

When they reached the other two, there were hugs and introductions before they went in. At the table, Vanessa snuck a look at Brooke, who was sitting diagonally from her, and noticed that she seemed to be hiding behind her hair.

_January 28, 7:12 p.m._

_**V:** Monet is really sweet please don’t be nervous about her_

_I believe in you_

_**B:** I know she’s been really nice already_

_Thank you <3_

Brooke looked up from her phone and gave Vanessa a wink. Vanessa grinned in response and ignored the way her heart felt like it was about to pop. She shifted her focus to getting to know Nina, “You teach second grade, right? How do you like it?”

“Oh, it’s been so wonderful! I’ve been doing it for, like, over five years, and I’m still learning how to be better each year.” Nina continued to talk about her students at Muscota, and Vanessa might have switched into journalist mode by only asking questions to stay engaged, but when she realized how quiet the other half of the table was, she felt better that at least _she_ was making an effort.

_January 28, 7:26 p.m._

_**V:** MONET_

_if you do not use all that charm you use on harry or whatever his name is tonight I will murder you_

_I will murder you and I’ll go to jail and have to live upstate because you’re acting out_

_**M:** Vanj she’s like a wet blanket_

_Like no offense but is this really your Brooke? She keeps giving one word answers and looks like she’s gonna cry_

_January 28, 7:27 p.m._

_**V:** Brooke what are you doing_

_**B:** I don’t know everything I say makes me feel like a doofus_

_She asked me where I’m from and I forgot_

_She said “where in Canada are you from” and I couldn’t remember that I was from Toronto!_

_Toronto is the biggest city in Canada!!!_

“Is everything okay?” Vanessa was shocked to see Nina in the same place she’d been two minutes ago. “I feel like I’m being left out of something.” She was still smiling, but Vanessa felt horrible for briefly forgetting about her. “No, no, don’t worry about it,” the smile she gave was just as cloying as her voice. “My mom was just texting me about this show she’s watching, and I keep telling her I’m busy, but she won’t listen.”

“Ooh, what show?” Vanessa turned to glare at Monet, “It doesn’t matter.”

“I want to know what show she’s watching,” Vanessa’s face fell when she heard Nina’s voice. She opened her phone to pretend she was double-checking, “Um. It was _Scandal_.”

“Oh, I love that show!” Nina squealed, to which Monet screamed — in Vanessa’s ear, “No way, girl, I love that show, too!”

“Really? I’m in the middle of watching season five right now. What about you?”

“Oh, I’m on the third one, but I literally come home from work and just watch until, like, midnight. It’s so crazy, but I love it.”

“What part are you on?” The two of them started discussing some complicated subplot from where Monet had left off that neither Brooke nor Vanessa could contribute to. Nina and Monet also found out they had the same taste in trashy reality shows, loved Buzzfeed quizzes, and that their favorite dessert was tiramisu. Every so often, one of them would remember that they technically were on dates with other people and tried to include Brooke and Vanessa, but for the most part, they sat quietly listening and eating their ramen.

Vanessa thought that this was the dorkiest she had ever seen Monet. Her friend looked so giddy every time Nina laughed at a joke she made or whenever Nina told her some crazy story about her students. Occasionally, Brooke and Vanessa would catch each other’s eyes and give a soft smile. Vanessa also saw the way Brooke delight in the way her best friend got along with Monet. She supposed she was glad the night hadn’t been a total loss.

The four of them had originally planned to catch the train together back uptown, but as soon as they started walking toward the station, Nina gave an exaggerated yawn and said, “I’m gonna be honest. I’m a little too tired to take the train, so I think I’m gonna get a cab if anyone wants to, uh, split one with me.”

“I’ll go with you,” Monet answered virtually the second Nina finished speaking. Nina smiled — pleased that no one else said yes — and got onto the street to hail a taxi. Before Vanessa registers what’s happening, Nina and Monet are getting into a cab while saying their goodbyes, and then they’re gone. Brooke and Vanessa stood in silence for a few moments before “I kinda want ice—” “I think there’s a Ben & Jerry’s nearby.” They burst into laughter before Vanessa says, “Lead the way.” They start walking in comfortable silence, and somewhere along the way, they take each other’s hand and don’t let go.


	8. chapter viii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke turns 30 and thinks a lot about Vanessa, for no particular reason. Nina throws a housewarming for her new place, but after a run-in with the last person she'd ever want to see, Brooke is glad she at least held it together for most of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! I've been a bit too busy to go through and get this chapter ready, but I finally got it done! This one felt a bit hard to write because of everything that goes down, but I'm excited to see what y'all think! As always thanks for reading and all your kind words! xx

“I just feel bad, Brooke.”

“Don’t. I have lots of work, anyway, and I’ve had a long day, so I wanna just stay home alone and relax.” Brooke heard someone else on Nina’s end say something and heard her giggle in response, “What did Monet say?”

“What?” Nina sounded surprised, “How’d you know I’m with her?”

“You did a weird laugh.” Brooke stepped in the open elevator and pressed the button for her floor.

“I did not!” Nina was cut off as she snorted at something else from her side, “Anyway, Brooke Lynn—” “Why are you calling me that?” “Oh, Vanessa gets to say it, but I don’t?” Brooke could hear Monet shriek in the background.

“That’s not true. What were you saying?” Brooke reached her floor and began walking to her apartment.

“Oh, right. Anyway, Brooke, I’ll see you on Saturday for lunch, then, since you can’t have fun on a Thursday. I know you’re gonna love your gift.”

Brooke turned the hallway and stopped in her tracks. Vanessa was sitting in the hall with her back against Brooke’s door. “Hey, Neens, I’ve gotta go.”

“Okay, babe. Happy birthday.”

Brooke said thanks and hung up the phone. She started walking up to her door, and when Vanessa noticed she was here, she smiled and said, “Hey.”

Vanessa stood up; she was dressed casually — dark skinny jeans and an oversized maroon turtleneck (which was Brooke’s favorite thing she owned, but Vanessa didn’t need to know that). “Hey,” she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I thought you normally got home at six?”

“I had to stay a little late today,” Brooke felt horrified when she realized: “Have you been waiting here for an hour?”

“No! No. Not an hour,” she looked down at her sneakers. “Just, like, half an hour.”

“Vanessa, why did you do that? I’m so sorry.” Brooke got her keys out of her purse and turned to unlock her door when she saw a gift bag and tiny cake with slightly untidy — well, beautiful to Brooke — piping on the floor near where Vanessa had been sitting. “I thought I’d surprise you,” Vanessa sounded nervous.

After she opened the door, Brooke turned around and said, “You didn’t have to do anything, ‘Nessa.” Vanessa bent down to pick up the cake and gift before answering, “I know you aren’t, like, big on birthdays, but 30 is just an important one, y’know? And… and I like birthdays, and I don’t want you to spend it being boring. Like you normally are.”

Brooke had to try really hard to not show how sunny that made her feel inside. She was embarrassed at how overjoyed she felt whenever Vanessa said or did something to show that she liked her. She couldn’t really believe that Vanessa even liked her at all. Brooke thought back to a year ago when she told Vanessa that she hadn’t liked her the first time they’d met, and how the other woman had clocked her lie. Of course, Brooke had liked her from the start. It was humiliating, honestly. “Well, I can’t say no,” she grinned and stepped aside to let Vanessa in. “And I’m not boring.”

“Yes, you are, Brooke Lynn,” Vanessa said as she went to place her cake on the kitchen table. “But it’s okay. I love you, anyway.”

Brooke felt warm as she watched her friend pick up Apollo and coo at him, “And even though you insult me all the time, I love you, too.” Vanessa looked at her and gave a delighted smile. Pocketed.

* * *

“It’s been the same dream since college. I’m in my high school parking lot after school, and I have to find my car to get home. But I can’t find my car, and the parking lot keeps getting bigger, and I honestly can’t remember if I even drove to school.”

“That’s nerve-racking,” Brooke looked at Vanessa. “Is it the old yellow car?” The train doors opened, and Vanessa took Brooke’s hand and led them out of the station. “Yeah, Buttercup used to be my mom’s.”

“Oh, cute name. Where is it now?”

“Back in Florida. There’s no point in having her here.” Brooke saw the grocery store and gently steered Vanessa over, “I still don’t get why we’re here. You’ve been to Nina’s before.”

“This is my first invitation to her new place, and it’s hers and Monet’s first party together.”

“It’s a potluck, not party. So that means you’re already bringing something to her place,” she gestured to the bag she was carrying that held Vanessa’s salted caramel brownies and Brooke’s chips and guacamole. “I’m just getting her flowers. Calm down, robot woman.” Brooke snorted, and after a moment Vanessa added, “Wait. You never told me your stress dream.”

“Oh, right. It’s always that I’m at the Olympics, but for ballet, which is already weird, and I always think that this shouldn’t be happening. And the judges are my mom, my first ever girlfriend, and this professor from college who hated me. Well, it used to be my third grade teacher who hated me, but it changed.”

“Why did your third grade teacher hate you?”

“She told my parents, and I quote, I was ‘too quiet and prissy.’” Vanessa gave Brooke a look of disbelief. “Anyway, I’m shitting myself already, and then the music plays, and it’s never what I practiced for. I can’t even remember what song is supposed to play, but it’s never the right one, so I’m trying to dance, but the judges are really mean. My mom is disappointed, and the other two are really happy that I’m fucking it. And then I wake up right before the routine ends.”

Vanessa’s eyes were bugging out as she stared at Brooke in silence, “Damn.” Brooke suddenly felt self-conscious, which Vanessa noticed, “Oh, shit. Don’t worry about it like that. You’re just, like, very you sometimes. It’s, like, comforting.” She bent down to inspect the flower bouquets in front of her as Brooke asked, “How is it comforting?”

“Oh, you know,” she smelled some lilies. “I just like that I know you and whatever. Like, you make sense to me.” Vanessa settled on multicolored gerberas and turned to Brooke when she didn’t respond. Her friend looked like a deer caught in headlights, “Hey, Brooke, I’m sorry, ‘kay? I wasn’t thinking when I said that.”

“That’s Nicky.” “Huh?” “That’s Nicky. Coming over here.”

Vanessa spun around. She saw a very beautiful and slim woman, overdressed for the store, walking toward them. She was holding hands with another gorgeous lady, whose almost-glowing, dark brown skin made Vanessa hyperaware of every imperfection visible on her face. _Where the hell did these people come from_? “Brooke,” Nicky’s tone made her French lilt too sugary. “How are you?” she touched her slicked back hair as if to put a lock back in place, but Vanessa didn’t believe for a second that Nicky could ever look anything less than perfect.

“I’m fine. Fine!” Vanessa backed up into Brooke and grabbed her hand for reassurance. Nicky continued, “Oh! Brooke, this is Jaida. Jaida. Brooke.” Jaida reached out to shake Brooke’s hand, which meant she had to let go of Vanessa’s. Oh, Brooke was standing next to Vanessa. “This is Vanessa! Vanessa Mateo. Um, you know: Nicky and Jaida.”

“Hi.”

“Nice to meet you,” Nicky gave a forced smile. _This is fucking rotten_ , Vanessa thought. After a long pause, Nicky says, “Well, it was good to see you.”

Brooke squeaked, “Yeah. Bye, Jaida.” The pair passed on to look at the wine aisle, and Vanessa pulled Brooke toward checkout. As a cashier rang up the flowers, Vanessa thought Brooke looked as though she’d seen a ghost, which Vanessa supposed was true. “Are you okay?”

“Perfect.”

Vanessa paid and dragged both of them out of there. She pushed down her feelings of guilt for being the reason they were in there in the first place. She had to focus on Brooke. “She looked kind of weird. Like, very weird. Do you think she looked weird?”

“I’ve never seen her in person before.”

“Oh, right. Well, trust me. She looked weird.” Vanessa — who had been rushing to the crowd to get to Nina’s building — was forced to stop when Brooke stopped walking. “Brooke, are you sure you’re okay?”

Brooke tried to smile, “Yes. It had to happen at some point, I think. Eight million people in one city, so you’re bound to run into your ex-fiancée. So it happened, and I’m fine.” Vanessa didn’t look convinced, so she continued, “Look, it’s like I looked at Death right in the face, and I’m still alive. And I’m fine. I promise, I really feel okay.” Vanessa thought to herself that Brooke shouldn’t make promises she couldn’t keep.

Nina and Monet were adorable. Every couple minutes, Silky would look at the couple and say, “How fucking adorable.” She would always have an eye roll to go with it, but Vanessa and A’keria knew she was being serious. Nina and Monet _were_ really fucking cute. And happy. Which made Monet’s friends extremely happy that she had a nice girlfriend who was not also currently married to a Wall Street executive or anything just as irrational.

Vanessa thought the party had been pretty successful. Nina’s teacher friends loved Monet’s signature vodka punch probably even more than Silky did. A’keria and Nina talked about each of their classrooms like they were exchanging war stories. Monet had even convinced Yvie to come with her wife Scarlet, and Vanessa had practically clung to her the whole night because she had missed her old friend so much.

“I think marriage is stupid if it means I don’t get to see you anymore.” Yvie’s laugh carried throughout the room, “Girl, if you hadn’t left Queens, we would see each other every day.” Vanessa snuck a look at Brooke, “Don’t hate. Manhattan isn’t that bad.”

Brooke seemed to be fine. Vanessa wanted to fuss over her friend, but she knew she wouldn’t want to be smothered so she settled to just keeping an eye on her. Normally, Vanessa thought the way Brooke compartmentalized her emotions was extremely unhealthy, but at the moment, she had to admit it was probably best her friend wasn’t in a puddle of tears. She did notice, however, that Brooke happened to really like the rosé, and as the party dwindled down, Vanessa gently placed cups of water instead of wine in Brooke’s hand.

Most of the guests started to leave around midnight, but Silky, A'keria, Vanessa, and Brooke stayed behind to clean up. “We’re really all in our thirties, huh,” A’keria grumbled as she picked up clear plastic cups off the side table. “Have to be in bed by 12:30, or we’ll sleep through all of tomorrow.”

“Speak for yourself,” Vanessa yelled from the kitchen floor as she cleaned a spill. “I am still young and sexy and have a back that doesn’t hurt.”

“You’re 29, ho!” Silky shrieked from the bathroom, and all six girls laughed way louder than Vanessa thought the joke deserved.

“Maybe because Nina’s almost 31, she’ll finally develop some good taste and get a new coffee table.” Nina playfully hit Monet’s upper arm and said, “What’s wrong with my coffee table?”

Monet looked at her girlfriend incredulously and answered, “Sweetheart. It’s a giant wagon wheel with glass on top. What isn’t wrong with it?” Vanessa and A'keria tried to keep their snickers quiet, and Vanessa couldn’t tell if Nina was fake or really offended.

“Brooke, do you think my coffee table’s ugly?” Brooke looked up from her corner of the room, clearly not having heard the question. “What? Oh, uh, no. No, I don’t think it’s ugly.” Nina smiled, but Monet countered, “Of course she thinks it’s nice. She’s your best friend. Vanjie,” everyone (except Brooke) turned to face her. “Do you like the table?”

Before she could lie and say yes, Vanessa felt her nose crinkle, which gave away her real answer. Monet cheered as Vanessa tried to save face, “I didn’t say nothing! And why are you only asking me? You don’t think Silky and A'keria have opinions on it?”

Nina pouted, “What’s so awful about it? I think it’s rustic.” Monet had to wipe away her own tears before saying, “It’s just so awful that I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” She kissed Nina’s cheek, “I like you for way more than your wagon wheel, though.”

That appeased Nina a little bit, but she still complained, “I just can’t believe none of you are on my side. Except Brooke.” It wasn’t clear if Brooke heard her name or not.

“I’m on your side, babe, I just—” Monet was interrupted by Brooke suddenly standing up with her trash bag and stating, “This is how it all started, I think.” Everyone was quiet.

“Nicky and I had blank walls, and we painted them and hung paintings on ‘em. We bought furniture together, and then it all ended up with me forgetting how to speak English or move in front of Jaida.”

Vanessa hurried over to Brooke and half-whispered, “Brooke, I know it sucked, but let’s not talk about it right now.” “No, I wanna talk about it right now,” she dropped the trash bag and tears pricked at her eyes. “Everybody’s fine and in love and happy until you’re fighting over who owns the coffee maker,” she was fully crying now, but everyone was afraid to touch her. “If you ever move in with someone, write your name in your books because she’ll try to take your copy of _Emma_ even though you _know_ your mom gave it to you for Christmas, and everything’ll get mixed up, and you’ll even end up fighting over the stupid fucking wagon wheel coffee table.” Brooke furiously wiped away her tears and ran out of the apartment.

After a minute, Nina said silently, “I thought she liked the table.” As Vanessa opened the door to follow Brooke, she heard Silky say, “She was probably just being nice,” and an “ow!” as Monet lightly smacked her head.

Brooke was pacing in front of the elevator, taking deep breaths, counting to 10 over and over, anything that would help her calm down and make her head stop going, _Nicky, Nicky, Nicky_. She saw Vanessa running toward her and said, “I know. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I asked you if you were okay. More than once.”

“And I was.”

“No, you weren’t! You weren’t okay, and I wanted you to tell me that!”

“I was okay until I wasn’t, alright? Can my feelings not change over a period of time?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“What? Should I have cried outside the store, or as soon as we got to Nina’s? Should I have gotten a quick lesson from you on how to break down and get hysterical wherever the hell I am?”

“Brooke, stop.”

“Why don’t you get sad about Kameron? I’ve seen you cry over movies and old dogs and when it snows for the first time in winter. But never about her. Don’t you ever feel like you lost something?” Brooke was blubbering, and there were mascara streaks down her face. Vanessa guided her down to the floor, “I’m over her. I was sad about her after it happened, but I’m over it now.”

“If you’re so over her, why don’t you see other people?”

“I see people.”

“Sure you do. Have you even slept with one person since you broke up with Kameron?” Vanessa was getting annoyed at Brooke for taking this out on her, but it felt hard to snap at a person whose tears were mixing with their snot. “That would prove to you that I’m over her? Fucking someone else? You’re gonna have to start looking for girls in Jersey because you’ve fucked every lesbian in New York, Brooke Lynn, and are _you_ over Nicky?” Okay, maybe it wasn’t that hard, “And I’ll sleep with someone when I wanna sleep with them. Not like I’m doing it out of revenge like you do.” Vanessa wiped away the tears on Brooke’s face, not caring that it made her hands sticky or that she’d just chewed her out. After it was all clean, she held Brooke’s face tenderly.

“Do you want to say anything else?” Vanessa shook her head in response.

“I’m sorry,” Brooke hugged her and buried her face in Vanessa’s hair. Vanessa stroked Brooke’s hair, hugged her until her breathing became regular. When they separated, Brooke started to say something, but Vanessa squeezed her hand and made a lips locking motion before throwing away the key. Brooke repeated the movement and pointed back to Nina’s apartment. As they walked back, Brooke tried to speak, but Vanessa locked her lips again and tucked some of Brooke’s hair behind her ear. They knocked on the door and went back inside.


	9. chapter ix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls celebrate Nina's 31st, and Vanessa gets some (potentially disappointing) news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading and commenting; you all are so kind and sweet!! This is kind of the chapter where it all comes to a head, and we're nearing the end, which is really bittersweet. But I hope y'all enjoy, and I hope I'll come out with the next chapters soon!

With the way she danced around the room after getting her team a point, Vanessa thought she had dreamed the way Silky complained about a board game night the whole train ride and walk to Nina’s place.

“Silk, it’s her birthday party. You can’t tell her it’ll be boring,” A’keria rolled her eyes while facing her boyfriend, so her friend wouldn’t see it. Silky fanned herself in the August heat, “Nina’s great, but she’s boring as fuck. That’s all I’m saying. 31 years old, and you just wanna play some games?”

“I think you’re just scared you’re gonna lose, bitch,” Monique said, to which Vanessa screamed as Silky looked at her slack-jawed. “Vanjie,” Silky flipped her hair and began to walk ahead. “You better keep that girlfriend of yours under control, or she won’t know what hit her.” Vanessa turned to Monique and reassured her, “She loves you. She’s just being stupid.”

“A very common thing with her,” Silky’s boyfriend flashed her a loving smile. “Though I love her to death.” Silky pulled Tyrone away from Vanjie and Monique before telling him, “You better.”

Now, she was celebrating her team advancing to just before the board’s finish line — jumping up and down with Nina like they’d won the Pictionary world championships. Ignoring them, A’keria asked, “Whose turn is it to draw?” She looked around at her teammates. Brooke had gone before Silky with the word “giraffe,” which meant, “Oh. Vanjie.”

It wasn’t that Vanessa was bad at board games, but she was bad with time limits. And drawing. And thinking clearly when everyone around her was yelling. If Vanessa’s team had it their way, she wouldn’t really play, which would’ve also been fine with her. “C’mon, Vanj, it’s your turn,” Monet said from her team’s side of the room. Before she got up, Brooke squeezed Vanessa’s shoulder and whispered, “You got this.”

She got up with a warm feeling in her stomach, but when she drew her card and looked back at her team, the feeling was replaced with dread as she saw Priyanka lean into her girlfriend and kiss her blonde hair. Then, she looked at her card and felt even more nervous. “You’ve got this, Vanjie!” Vanessa smiled lovingly at Monique. Nina started the timer, and Vanessa began drawing.

“Monkey?” asked A’keria. Vanessa stuck her tongue out in concentration; she was drawing a baby. “Monkey,” she said again. “Monkey see, monkey do?” Vanessa looked at her team and shook her head.

Priyanka went, “An ape?” Then, Monique asked, “Baby?” Vanessa beamed and nodded. On the whiteboard, she started to draw a mouth next to the baby, “Planet of the apes?”

“Pri, she said it was a baby.” “Well, it doesn’t look like a baby, B.” Vanessa rolled her eyes at the nickname. _So creative_ , she thought.

“Thirty seconds,” Nina announced. Fuck. Vanessa started drawing multiple arrows coming out of the mouth. Brooke and A’keria started shouting guesses: “Big mouth, big baby, baby mouth!” “Baby teeth, baby burps, burping a baby.”

“Baby ape!” “Babe, it’s not an ape!”

“Fish baby. Baby fish mouth?” Vanessa smiled when she heard Monique hush Priyanka. Nina called out, “Ten seconds!”

Monique joined the rapid guessing, “Crying baby, baby food, feeding a baby?”

“Time’s up!” Silky screeched. Their team had virtually won. Vanessa turned away from the whiteboard and said, “Baby talk.”

“Baby talk?” Priyanka repeated. “Is that even a phrase?”

“Yeah, like ‘baby fish mouth’ is,” A’keria said before she could stop herself. Luckily, Priyanka hadn’t seemed to notice. They packed up the game, and after, Nina asked if anyone wanted more cake, which got a resounding yes. Vanessa and Monet followed Nina to the kitchen to help her, as Brooke and Silky looked through Monet’s gift to her girlfriend: a coffee table book about the history of drag.

At first, Nina and Vanessa cut the cake as Monet got plates and forks in silence, but, tentatively, Vanessa asked, “Do you guys think Priyanka is a little… immature for Brooke?” In the living room, Brooke glanced at the group — made up of her girlfriend, Monique, A’keria, and A’keria and Silky’s boyfriends — talking on the couch before whispering to Silky, “Do you think Monique is sometimes too intense?”

Monet set the plates down, “She’s kind of silly, I guess. But she is pretty successful.” Vanessa tried not to sound bitter, “Sure, she makes lots of desserts.”

Silky looked at Brooke with an inscrutable expression, “I guess, but she’s real cool, though. You’d probably like her.” Brooke tried to focus on the page in front of her, “I don’t know. Wearing brown cow print is weird to me.”

Nina, never one to talk poorly of someone, told Vanessa, “It’s not just desserts. I think she said earlier that she makes, like, 400 chocolate soufflés a week.”

“She got really good seats to Cirque du Soleil through her job last week,” Silky explained to Brooke. “She took me, Vanj, and A’keria, and their drinks were fucking amazing.”

Brooke was surprised, “You all saw Cirque du Soleil?”

“Yeah,” Silky seemed to be getting bored of the conversation.

“Vanjie hates circus stuff like that.”

Vanessa didn’t get what was so great about 400 soufflés a week. If that was her job, she could do that, too. “Brooke doesn’t even like sweet things.”

Suddenly, Monet said, “I really like Monique.” Her and Nina were staring at Vanessa, but she didn’t notice.

“Yeah, she’s great,” Vanessa took a plate and began to scarf down the cake. “She’s, like, the coolest person I’ve ever met.”

Silky looked over at Priyanka, “How’re things going with you and your new boo?” Brooke didn’t look up from the book on their laps, “Good, it’s going good. She knows a lot about baking cakes.”

* * *

Brooke was scrolling through Instagram, mindlessly liking people’s pictures from Halloween. She stopped at a new post from Priyanka, looking very cozy with a girl with lemon blonde hair. She clicked on Priyanka’s profile and unfollowed her then tried again to read the book that was next to her. After staring at the page for a couple beats, Brooke gave in and flipped to the last page. Her phone buzzed.

_November 4, 10:17 p.m._

_**V:** can I call you?_

_**B:** Of course_

Vanessa’s name and a photo of her holding cotton candy at the Bronx Zoo popped up on Brooke’s screen almost immediately. She pressed answer and said, “Hey.”

“Are you free? Could you come over?” she sounded muffled.

“Yeah, is everything okay?”

“She’s getting married.”

“Who? Monique?” Brooke remembered the weird feeling in her chest when, in September, Vanessa told their friends that Monique was moving to Los Angeles, so they had mutually broke up. It was like she could finally breathe again.

“No,” Vanessa sniffed and hiccuped. “Kameron.” Brooke shot up and grabbed her coat.

Brooke got to Vanessa’s door and knocked. After a minute, the door opened to a Vanessa in pajamas with her hair piled into a messy topknot and a red nose and teary eyes. She began to cry again, and Brooke enveloped her in a hug. Brooke realized for the millionth time how small Vanessa was.

Vanessa stuttered, “I’m really sorry for making you come down—” “It’s okay.” More tears came and Brooke held her again. Vanessa broke away and wiped away her tears, “I need a tissue.” She walked away into her bedroom, and after she took off her coat, Brooke followed. They sat on the edge of the bed, and Vanessa blew her nose before speaking, “I was just working, and she called me. And I thought, ‘This’ll be fine. I’m over it. I’m over her.’ And she said she just wanted to see how I was, and what I’d been doing, and blah blah blah. Like, she’s babbling, and I’m thinking to myself, ‘I can’t believe I was ever interested in this,’ but… but then she said she had some news.” Brooke started rubbing Vanessa’s back as she cried again.

“She said she had some news, and she didn’t want me to find out from someone else or some bullshit like that,” she blew her nose again. “Her name is Asia. They just fucking met. She’s supposed to be her rebound, but they’re getting married.”

After a couple sobs, “I thought that she didn’t want to get married, but the truth was she didn’t wanna marry me. She didn’t want to marry me because she didn’t love me.” Vanessa fell onto Brooke’s chest, and she could feel her thermal get slightly soaked. Brooke asked, “If you could be with her right now, would you?”

“No,” she responded through hiccups. “But why didn’t she want me? Why didn’t she want to marry me? To love me? What’s so wrong with me?”

“Nothing, ‘Nessa. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“I’m too difficult.” “Challenging, maybe.”

“I’m too picky. Too stubborn.” “Yeah, but in, like, a good way.”

“No. No, I expected too much of her and drove her away,” she started to cry harder. “And I’m gonna be 40.”

“What?” Brooke lightly kissed Vanessa’s temple. “In 10 years, sure. But that’s 10 years.” Brooke rocked them back and forth, and Vanessa pulled away after a couple minutes, “I’m ruining your shirt.”

“I don’t really like it, anyway. Don’t worry about it,” Brooke held her again, gives her a brush of a kiss before leaning back. “Do you want some hot chocolate?”

Vanessa sniffled, “Brooke, could you — could you hold me again?” She nodded and lets Vanessa rest her head on her chest. Vanessa looked up, like she was searching for something on Brooke’s face. Their lips touch, both of them unsure at first. Brooke thought about every time she imagined doing this and immediately locking it away in her brain. She deepened the kiss and cupped one side of Vanessa’s face with her hand. Vanessa remembered how elated she had felt when Brooke called her pretty in that Indiana diner seven years ago, and smiled against Brooke’s mouth. Pocketed.

* * *

_What the fuck did I just do?_ Brooke hadn’t been able to sleep after. Apart for some 20-minute snatches here and there, she had laid there wide-awake — Vanessa lightly snoring on her chest — for hours thinking about how monumentally she had just fucked up.

Acknowledging she was into Vanessa and acting on those feelings were two different things: things that should have come one after the other. But Brooke, of course, was a human tornado, only admitting to herself that she might be in love with her best friend when she was in the middle of having sex with her. _Fuck. No. Not “in love.”_ Brooke had a crush on Vanessa; she had no idea where “in love” came from.

Vanessa had seemed calm after, happy even. She had fallen asleep in minutes after settling between Brooke’s left arm, so Brooke was left alone with her thoughts for the next six hours. The issue was that Brooke did love Vanessa — platonically, and the past year and a half meant way more to her than she would ever admit. It didn’t matter how much Vanessa thought she drove Kameron away. Brooke knew that she would be reason their relationship didn’t work out. She was the reason it had ended with her girlfriend her first year of college, with Amanda, with Nicky, with Priyanka. She’d be the reason she’d lose Vanjie not only as a girlfriend, but also as her friend if they tried to make this work.

When she saw on her phone that it was almost 6 a.m., Brooke slipped out of bed and quietly began to dress. She had just finished and was gathering her hair into a ponytail when Vanessa woke up, “Hey, what’s up?” Her eyes were still bleary from sleep.

“Hey,” Brooke sat on the bed and tried to make her voice as soft and soothing as possible. “I’ve gotta go.” Vanessa didn’t say anything, just stared at her blankly. “I’ve got to get back home, and change from yesterday’s clothes to today’s clothes, and get ready for work, and feed Henry and Apollo, and you’ve gotta do the same thing. Not feed my cats. Feed yours,” Brooke knew she was acting weird, so she took a breath. “Can we get dinner tonight? Together? Only if you’re free. Are you free?” _Very calm and collected, Brooke Lynn_.

“Yeah, I’m free. We could maybe go to Tsion? You like that place, right?”

Brooke had a feeling she was breaking Vanessa’s heart, “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll text you what time I can be ready.” She tried to give a confident smile, then hesitantly placed a kiss at the end of Vanessa’s left eyebrow and got up to leave. As soon as the door shut behind her, Brooke took out her phone and dialed Nina’s number.

_November 5, 6:07 a.m._

_**V:** hello is anyone awake??????_

_please, please, please someone be awake_

_I did something terrible_

_November 5, 8:33 a.m._

_**A:** Vanj what’s wrong?_

_**V:** Brooke came over last night_

_because I was crying over Kameron_

_**S:** if this ends the way I think it will_

_**V:** and I was crying and she was hugging me trying to be nice and then_

_it was so goddamn stupid_

_maybe I kissed her first or maybe she did, but we did_

_and then we kept doing it_

_until we you know. did it_

_**A:** Oh baby_

_**M:** Vanessa._

Monet looked up from her phone to see Nina sit down in front of her with two cups of coffee. “Neens, did you know—” “About Brooke and Vanessa? Brooke called me as soon as she left Vanjie’s place.”

Nina looked tired, but not surprised. They both knew it would happen. Silky and A’keria knew it would happen. Everyone but Brooke and Vanjie knew how much Brooke and Vanjie liked each other. Monet looked back at her phone.

_November 5, 8:39 p.m._

_**V:** I know it was a mistake_

_**S:** no one said that_

_**V:** but it was_

_she looked fucking scared this morning like the worst thing ever just happened_

_**A:** Baby, I’m sure that’s not true_

_**M:** Yeah remember she’s a disaster sometimes_

_All the time_

_She probably freaked out because she didn’t have “sex with Vanjie” written in her schedule_

“What did Brooke tell you?”

Nina looked up from her phone and swallowed a bite of toast, “She said it was good. Like, during. But after, she felt suffocated.”

“Well, I can’t tell Vanjie that.”

“Don’t! It’ll only freak her out. Brooke is dramatic sometimes, but I know that she’s wanted this for a while.”

“She told you that?”

“Well, uh, no,” Nina scrunched up her face as she chose her next words. “Not explicitly. But the way she looks at Vanessa, how she talks about her. I think it was only a matter of time.”

It was silent for a moment before Nina continued, “It was really early when she called, so we only talked for a bit. I told her I’d call her back later.” She glanced at Monet’s phone, “Is Vanjie okay?”

Monet nodded, “Just worried about Brooke. I think it’ll work out, though.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it has to.”


	10. chapter x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke and Vanessa talk about last night. Nina and Monet throw a Christmas party together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!! Hope you're all doing well! I cannot believe we are right at the end of this story it is so surreal. The last chapter should be up sometime early this week, but until then here's is probably just a smidge of angst. Cheers!

The waiter brought Brooke and Vanessa two glasses of water and said he’d be back in a few minutes to take their orders. They both took a drink from their glasses and were silent. After a moment, Vanessa spoke, “I think it was a mistake.”

The emotions that passed through Brooke’s face went by too quick for Vanessa to guess what they were, but she eventually responded, “Yeah, I think so, too.”

Vanessa’s heart plummeted. Had she really expected Brooke to disagree with her? To say she had feelings for her when Vanessa didn’t? Vanessa didn’t have feelings for Brooke. Not like that. Brooke continued, “I mean, I don’t want you think it wasn’t good. Physically.”

Vanessa almost smiled at that, “Yeah, it was.” She drank some more water, “But we shouldn’t have done it.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

The waiter came back and took their orders. Vanessa tried to be brief with her order, but failed. When he left, the two were still silent, trying to look anywhere but at each other. “I think it’s really nice when you can just sit with someone and not have to talk,” Brooke said. “It’s nice being that comfortable with someone.”

Vanessa gave a tight smile and nodded. They both drank some of their water.

Brooke was walking out of the subway station with her phone held between her ear and her shoulder. “I guess it was weird, Nina. You know how when you sleep with someone new, and she’d tell you all of these stories after, and you’d tell her all of your stories, and it’s nice and not awkward?”

“Uh, sure, Brooke.”

“But with ‘Nessa… with Vanessa, it was, like, we’d already heard all of each other’s stories, so I didn’t know what to say to her after. We just had to lay there,” Brooke sighed. “It just kind of felt, like, maybe there’s a point in every relationship where it’s too late to have sex. If we’d wanted to really do it, we should have done it in — I don’t know — like, 2013.”

“That seems a little extreme.”

Brooke really did believe she’d realized her feelings too late. There was no point ruining what her and Vanessa had and potentially ruining their little group of friends just because Brooke thought Vanessa was pretty. Everyone thought she was pretty. It was an objective fact. She was probably the prettiest woman in New York City. But it still didn’t make sense for Brooke to risk losing a really important friendship just to pursue who she thought was the prettiest woman in the state. Country. Continent. It didn’t matter.

* * *

_November 12, 11:02 a.m._

_**B:** Hey, I still have a lot of work to do on this deposition coming up, so I think I’ll have to rain check today?_

_Really sorry_

_**V:** no prob! I’ll see you at silky’s for Friendsgiving then_

_funny that my phone capitalized Friendsgiving_

_November 21, 3:23 p.m._

_**V:** omg found a DVD for Casablanca for $5 should I get it??_

_brooooooke answer quickly!!!_

_November 21, 4:00 p.m._

_**V:** I ended up buying it we should watch it together_

_**B:** FUCK I’m sorry but yes!!!!_

_**V:** are you staying in town for Thanksgiving or going up_

_**B:** Staying here probably to get caught up on work_

_**V:** lame_

_December 3, 6:26 p.m._

_**V:** helloooo I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever_

_do you wanna watch Casablanca sometime????_

_December 4, 12:43 a.m._

_**B:** Yes I do! I’ll let you know when I’m free_

_Miss you_

_December 4, 7:36 a.m._

_**V:** okay!!! hope work’s not kicking your ass_

_I miss you too_

_December 13, 4:16 p.m._

_**B:** You’re going to Nina and Monet’s party tomorrow right?_

_I’m really sorry I completely forgot to tell you when I’m free_

_**V:** yeah I’ll be there_

_it’s fine_

_**B:** I’m really, really sorry_

* * *

Vanessa checked her phone as she got off the train. It was almost 8:15, and the invitation said 8 p.m., which meant she wasn’t late. _How late is too late for a party, anyway_? The “Nina and Monet (non-denominational) Christmas Extravaganza” (as the very colorful email invitation called it) was supposed to be “the event of the season.” Vanessa wasn’t sure how a party where the dress code was ugly holiday sweaters would be December’s can’t-miss event, but she was still excited. Nina and Monet were the dorkiest people she knew, but they were amazing party hosts. She remembered that Nina said yesterday in their group chat that she started her dough for her Christmas tree-shaped hand pies, and the thought of portable mixed berry pies had helped Vanessa get through work that day.

Vanessa adjusted her black denim skirt and tights before knocking. Monet opened the door with a gigantic smile and screeched, “Vanjie!” She pulled her friend into a hug, and Vanessa could feel the sequins from the rainbow Christmas tree on Monet’s sweater press into her. She stepped back and inspected Vanessa’s outfit: a black turtleneck under and red and green checkered sweater vest with dancing polar bears.

She grinned, “You passed. Come on in!” Monet took Vanessa’s hand and led her to the kitchen, where Silky, A’keria, and Nina were huddled around the oven. “Look who’s here!”

The three women turned and all talked and clambered over each other to hug Vanessa. She placed the thermos she was carrying on the counter, and Nina looked giddy at the sight, “How did it come out?”

Vanessa grinned, “It was really good. I had… maybe two glasses before coming over.” It was the first time that Vanessa had made mulled wine, and she was insanely proud of how it tasted. Though, that could have just been the alcohol talking.

“I wanna try!” Silky screamed and poured some into a plastic cup. Vanessa looked on as A’keria, Nina, and Monet followed suit and tasted it. “You’re one step closer to becoming a white grandmother, girl,” Monet said right after a sip. Vanessa asked, “That’s a compliment, right?” and Monet eagerly nodded yes.

“Who’s a white grandmother?” Vanessa turned around to see Brooke — in the same tinsel-covered sweater she wore last year. Her and Vanessa had matched at Nina’s last Christmas party and said they would do it again this year, but Brooke had been too busy for them to go together. Or at all, it looked like. “Vanjie,” A’keria answered from behind. Then, the oven timer went off, and the six of them gathered around to see the hand pies, with Vanessa making sure to stand far apart from Brooke.

Vanessa was talking to some of Monet’s friends from work when Brooke approached her. “Hey,” Brooke said, and as she did, Vanjie saw Bob and Brianna quietly slip away. “Hey.”

“The party’s been fun. Did you try Silky’s cookies?”

“Yeah, they were good. I don’t think she made them, though.” Vanessa felt uncomfortable. She had no idea where she stood with Brooke, and if she was honest, she didn’t want to talk to someone who had seemed to be avoiding her for the past month. She wanted to get out of this conversation as soon as she could.

“This time of year is rough. I’m not sure how anyone survives from Thanksgiving to New Year’s.”

Vanessa nodded, “Mhm.”

They were silent. Then, “How’ve you been?”

“Good.”

“I’m sorry we haven’t gotten to see each other recently. Work has just been crazy for me—” “It’s fine. Don’t apologize.” Brooke seemed to choose not to comment on Vanessa’s curtness. She looked down at her boots, “Are you seeing anyone?”

Vanessa raised her eyebrows, “Brooke.”

“What?”

“I don’t really wanna talk about this.”

“Oh, my bad.” Brooke kept trying to make eye contact and failing, “Is it because of what happened?”

Vanessa repeated, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I thought we had gotten past that, though? Are we really gonna carry it around with us forever?”

Vanessa wondered if Brooke was just stupid or actually that mean, “Forever? It just happened.” She winced when she heard her voice crack at the end.

“It happened over a month ago, ‘Nessa.”

Vanessa felt anger bubbling inside her. Why wasn’t this a big deal to her? Why did she keep calling her that, as if ghosting her didn’t take away nickname privileges? Why didn’t Brooke want to be her friend anymore? A couple people noticed how intense it was getting in their corner, so Vanessa grabbed Brooke’s wrist and started down the hall toward the bathroom.

Closing the bathroom door, Vanessa loudly whispered, “I don’t understand how, to you, this is something that just happened. Like, you think you can say, ‘Great. It happened. Now, let’s go back to the way it was, like it didn’t mean anything—’”

“I didn’t say it didn’t mean anything, Vanjie, but why does it have to mean _everything_?”

“Because it does,” Vanessa felt her eyes water. “And you should know that better than anyone, Brooke Lynn, because the minute it happened you walked right out the door.”

“I didn’t walk out—” “Yeah, sprinted is more like it.”

Brooke looked panicked, “We agreed it was a mistake, though.”

“The worst mistake I ever made.”

Brooke ran a hand through her hair, “This is what I didn’t want to happen. There are always these expectations when you sleep with someone.”  
“I am _not_ a ‘someone,’ and I do not expect anything from you ever. Okay?”

“That can’t be true. You’re expecting me to know how to behave with you now that we’ve—” “You don’t have to behave with me in any way again. How about that?”

“Okay, fine. Fine. But, Vanjie, I didn't come over that night to do anything with you. That’s not why I came, but you just had these big weepy eyes, and… and—”

“What the hell are you saying, huh? You saying you took pity on me? Fuck you.” Vanessa opened the door and fast-walked to the living room, trying to dab away any tears that escaped.

Brooke was hot on her heels, and when Nina saw the two from the front of the room and smiled at them before clinking her wine glass to get everyone’s attention.

“Monet and I just wanted to thank everyone for coming tonight and making our first Christmas together so magical.” The two looked at each other like no one else was there, and Vanessa felt her heart crack. Maybe she had been wrong about how she felt about Brooke.

Nina continued to speak, “We’re both so, so happy that all of you people are in our lives, and we hope you have a wonderful, spectacular holidays.” Some people — Silky being the clearest among them — quietly cheered and repeated the sentiment back.

“And now, I want to make a toast to Brooke and Vanessa,” Monet raised her glass in their direction, and everyone turned to face them. “To Brooke and Vanjie. If Nina or I found either one of them even remotely attractive, we would not be here today.” The room almost shook with laughter, and they raised their glasses to the two women in the back. Vanessa wiped away a tear that had rolled down her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly wrote this on a whim and didn't really think about posting it until I had gotten through most of it, but if any of y'all would be interested in more stuff from me, let me know! This has been such a fun experience, and I've loved every minute of it. xx


	11. chapter xi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke tries to apologize, but Vanessa doesn't pick up the phone. Then, New Year's again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeek! I can't believe this is the last chapter of this little story (for the time-being)!! I've honestly read this chapter over and over again because it makes me feel all warm inside, and hopefully it does the same for y'all, too. Thank you so, so, so much for every kind word and kudos and blah blah blah over the past month. It's been a lot of fun to share this with y'all. Thank you so much! Cheers!

_December 15, 9:42 a.m._

_Hey, Vanessa. It’s Brooke. Um, I just wanted to call and talk to you and apologize for last night. I messed up, and I — I don’t want to say sorry over voicemail. Call me back when you can, okay? Okay, bye._

_December 15, 2:06 p.m._

_It’s Brooke. I don’t know if you got my call from this morning, but I’m calling again for the same reason as before. I’d just really like to talk to you. Please call me._

_December 15, 3:11 p.m._

_**B:** Did you get any of my calls?_

_Vanessa_

_Vanessa, come on_

* * *

Once Vanessa got home from her Christmas gift exchange with A’keria, Silky, and Monet, she took out her phone as she called out her cat’s name. She had only gotten three calls and one voicemail today. She trudged to her bedroom and got under the covers to cuddle with Thackery, then pressed play on the voicemail.

_December 20, 1:18 p.m._

_Hey, Vanj. I’ve been thinking that since in the past couple days, the calls haven’t seemed to be going through, maybe if I’m funny, it’ll work. You think I’m funny, right? I remember you laughing when I made jokes sometimes. I guess only sometimes. I don’t know. I think you’re the funny one, so maybe I don’t even know any jokes that would make your voicemail inbox or whatever it’s called save my messages. Call me when you can. Miss you._

* * *

_December 23, 8:54 p.m._

_Hi, it’s me. You know, I remembered today that it’s the season of forgiveness right now. The holiday season is supposed to be that, anyway. So I think maybe in the spirit of forgiveness and charity, you could call me, which would make me a very happy person. At least call to let me know if that was an asshole thing to say or not. Okay, bye. I miss you._

* * *

Vanessa snuck off to her mom’s front porch to get a small break from her family. She saw a man taking a smoke break across the street a couple houses down and imagined Brooke doing the same thing at the same time in Toronto. Her phone then buzzed, and when Vanessa looked at the screen, she saw her contact photo of Brooke with cream cheese from her Katz’s Deli bagel smeared across her nose — her smile wide in a way Vanessa knew was genuine. She let it go to voicemail, then immediately went to listen to the message.

_December 25, 6:58 p.m._

_Do you ever wish it snowed on Christmas when you’re back in Florida? Has it ever snowed there? The snow’s worse here than in New York. I hope you’re having a nice time. Merry Christmas, Vanessa._

* * *

Vanessa had just slung her purse over her head when she saw her phone buzz on the counter. She took a deep breath and answered, “Hello?”  
“Vanessa? Vanessa! Hey, how are you?”

“Fine. I was just about to go to the store.”

“You’re back in town?” “Yeah, got in last night.”

Brooke was quiet. Vanessa sighed and asked, “What do you want, Brooke?”

“I, uh,” she struggled to find her words. “Are you going to that New Year’s party the others were talking about the other day?” Vanessa didn’t respond.

“I was thinking… I wanted to know if you were going because we said last year we’d go together if we didn’t have a date, and—” “Are you joking?”

“I know what it sounds like. But I just want you to have a good time.”

“Brooke, I can have a good time without you.” Vanessa wanted to see Brooke so much. But if the way her chest felt each time she scrolled through the dozens of Brooke photos on her phone (which was often) was any indication, seeing her in person would make everything worse. Vanessa didn’t — couldn’t — answer Brooke’s calls over the past two weeks because she knew she would blow up at her. She knew it would make the heartbreak of losing her best friend, of being rejected, even more permanent. Vanessa needed to move on.

“It’s okay, Brooke. You don’t need to take pity on me. I’ll talk to you later.” Vanessa thought she heard Brooke beginning to say something else, but she hung up and walked out the door.

* * *

Brooke woke up to find herself curled up on her couch under her yellow quilt. She sat up with the quilt on her head like a hood and saw she had napped through multiple episodes of _Gilmore Girls_. She checked her phone for the time: 10:28 p.m. There had also been a couple text messages from Nina asking if Brooke had changed her mind on not spending New Year’s with the girls. She replied and said she still wasn’t feeling well but that she hoped they had fun.

As far as their friends knew, Brooke and Vanessa slept together and decided to stay friends after. It was clear they weren’t on best terms, but they had lied about specifics to keep them from worrying. It was just as well; Brooke didn’t want anyone to know how much she messed up and how devastated she was over it. She stared blankly at the scene on the TV that she had seen countless times. She silently repeated the lines as they came out and felt tears running down her face. It was honestly remarkable how good Brooke was at burning bridges — at making people leave when she freaked out. 

Brooke laid on her back and looked at the ceiling. She remembered Vanessa’s dress from last New Year’s. She remembered the way she had screamed the lyrics to every Rihanna song they played and could barely speak the next couple days. She remembered the way she had braided Brooke’s hair when they were in a car getting home, and how Brooke felt each time Vanessa’s fingertips brushed the back of her neck. Brooke had to get out of her apartment. She stood up and changed out of her pajamas into a sweater and pair of jeans. Then, she grabbed her headphones and started playing her workout music as she locked her door and left her building.

The man that Vanessa had been dancing with let go of her waist when she said she had to use the bathroom. He smirked at her and whispered in her ear to hurry back. Vanessa made her way to her and her friends’ table and loudly blew air out of her mouth as she collapsed onto a chair. She looked at A’keria and stated, “I can’t believe I let you drag me to this.”

“Oh, yeah. I was gonna let you sit at home alone and watch _The Notebook_ for the millionth time on New Year’s. Sure, bitch.”

“I would not have been alone.” “Thackery doesn’t count. He’s a cat who can’t speak English.” Nina, Monet, and Silky giggled before Vanessa glared at them, and they stopped.

“Come on,” Silky got up and extended her hand. “Let’s go dance.” Vanessa sighed, but she still took her hand and got up.

_I should take walks more often_ , Brooke thought. _First New Year’s resolution: go on more walks_. She came across a closed Starbucks and thought about how Vanessa got a drink in their largest size on her last birthday since it was free but had to make Brooke help her finish it. Then, she drank too much too quickly at her birthday party and ended up falling asleep at 10 p.m. on Brooke’s bed. When she woke up a little past midnight, she came into the living room and demanded the six of them watch _Tangled_ , but dozed off again 10 minutes in with her head resting on Brooke’s shoulder. Brooke shivered as though to shake the memory off and tried to see if the nearby ice cream shop was open.

It was unfortunate how attractive the woman in front of Vanessa was because if she had been even remotely likable, Vanessa would have probably listened to her explain how to make concrete. The woman told Vanessa a crude joke, and she gave a convincing laugh. When Monet walked by to check on Vanessa, her face immediately fell and she whispered, “I’m going home.”

Monet replied, “There aren’t going to be any taxis or cars until after midnight.” Vanessa squeezed her eyes shut to center herself and turned back to the stranger, her smile back on.

In a stroke of brilliance, Brooke had scarfed down two small scoops of ice cream when it was below freezing at just past 11:30 p.m. She felt a little sick and embarrassed and just wanted to cuddle with her cats. To get back home, she had to walk past Nina’s old apartment building and remembered when she first saw it through the windows of a small, yellow sedan. Apart from Nina, Vanessa was the only person in New York she had known at the time, and Brooke was terrified. She remembered thinking about asking Vanessa if she would want to see each other again soon, but then backing out at the last moment. She thinks about seeing her again at that bookstore. She remembered noticing how Vanessa had to get on her tiptoes to find the book she needed, and that time, Brooke didn’t back out. _Oh_. She had finally realized something.

Brooke checked the time and started walking away from home. She picked up the pace and began to jog; she hoped to God that she’d get to the party before her friends left. Before Vanessa did.

The excitement in the air — and the sense of dread in Vanessa’s stomach — built up as it got closer to midnight. She finally made a decision, “I think I’m gonna go home.” Nina pouted, “But it’s almost midnight.”

“I don’t want to be here alone seeing everyone kiss somebody.”

“I’ll kiss you.”

“Thanks, Silky, but that’s okay.”

Brooke couldn’t remember the last time she had seen the streets and sidewalks so empty. She kept hoping a taxi would pass by or any Lyft drivers would show up on her phone’s map, but they didn’t. It was 11:54; Brooke kept jogging.

Vanessa got her coat from the front and put it on before facing her friends. She knew they were pitying her, and she really hated it. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m all okay.”

None of them looked convinced, and A’keria tried one more time, “Two more minutes.” Vanessa softly shook her head and gave them all a hug, “I’ll talk to y’all tomorrow.” She threw up a peace sign with her best smile and yelled, “Deuces!” before walking out the door. When she got on sidewalk and turned to start the walk home, however, Vanessa stopped dead in her tracks as she felt her heart threatened to beat out of her chest.

Brooke was extremely relieved that she’d gotten to the venue and could catch her breath before Vanessa came out. Before she could say anything to her, though, Vanessa marched up and dragged Brooke away from the entrance.

“I know you’re not happy to see me. I get it, but I’ve done some thinking,” Brooke paused for Vanessa to say something, but she just looked at her with a face that seemed to say, _Go on_. “I’ve done some thinking. A lot of thinking, actually. And the thing is, I love you.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

“I… I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“How about, ‘I love you, too’?” “How about, ‘I’m leaving.’” Vanessa brushed past Brooke and started walking away.

Brooke was right behind her, “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

Vanessa stopped and turned to glare at her. Behind them, the countdown until midnight started as Vanessa started speaking. “What’s it supposed to mean to me, Brooke? Look, I know it’s New Year’s, and that you’re lonely, and that I’m lonely, too. But you can’t just show up and say shit like that and think it’ll be okay. What? If I said I loved you, would we have gone off into the sunset together? Go get fucking married in Vegas or something? It doesn’t work that way.”

“How does it work?” Vanessa tried her best not to notice the way Brooke’s voice cracked. She softened her tone, “I don’t know, Brooke.”

They could still hear people at the party cheering and clapping. Strangely, the music changed to _Auld Lang Syne_ , which Vanessa hadn’t heard since she’d had to sing it in high school choir. Brooke took a step closer but didn’t take Vanessa’s hands, “How about this?” she took a deep breath. “I love it when you get cold, and it’s only 62 degrees out. I love it when you get too excited and speak so fast and loud that there should be subtitles under you. I love it how it takes you an hour to order a sandwich. I… I even loved it when you used my shirt as a Kleenex. I love when I spend the day with you, and I can still smell your perfume in my hair when I go to bed. I love how you’re the first person I want to talk to in morning, and the last person I wanna talk to at night. And I came here because when you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. And, yeah, it took me seven years to figure that all out, but I came here tonight because of course it means something. Vanessa, of course it’s you.”

Vanessa’s eyes glistened with tears, and she felt a flash of anger. “That is just like you. I hate — you just come and say shit like that, and it makes it impossible for me to hate you.” The first couple tears rolled down her cheeks, “And I hate you. I hate you, Brooke Lynn, I hate you.” She started to cry, and Brooke wrapped her arms around her. They looked at each other, and the first kiss was soft and short.

They separated and stared wide-eyed for a moment before kissing again. Brooke briefly forgot that they were not the only people in the universe. When she remembered, she held Vanessa tighter to hopefully make that thought real. Vanessa hummed quietly and kissed back a little deeper. She felt her feet leave the ground as Brooke pulled her up.

When they stopped, Brooke said quietly, “I don’t know why I let you call me Brooke Lynn.” Their arms were still wrapped around each other, and Vanessa moved some of Brooke’s hair out of her face, who felt like her heart was shattering at the sight of Vanessa’s grin. “I was mad at you then, so I used it.”

Their smiles matched each other’s, and they leaned back in for another kiss. They could still hear _Auld Lang Syne_ playing behind them. After a few moments, Vanessa pulled away and said, “You know, I have no idea what this song means. My whole life, and I still don’t get why we’re supposed to forget the old acquaintances, or if that’s even it or whatever.”

“I know exactly what you mean. Maybe we’re supposed to remember the people we’ve forgotten, or something. But anyway, it’s about old friends.” Brooke grinned, and they started to kiss again.

* * *

_Two years later._

Brooke’s hand guided Vanessa to the kitchen as the other covered her eyes, “I hate you for this, Brooke Lynn.”

“Well, the first time we met, we hated each other, so we’ve come full circle.”

“You did not hate me, you big lame-o, but I hated you,” Vanessa paused. “And the second time we met, you didn’t even remember me.”

“I did too remember you! Sorry, I didn’t know your world-famous nickname.” They were almost at the kitchen table, “That doesn’t matter, though, because the third time, we became friends.” Brooke used her leg to move a chair, so Vanessa could sit down, “We were friends for a long time, huh?”

“And then we weren’t.” The frown Vanessa gave along with her covered eyes made Brooke giggle, “Hey, don’t laugh!”

“But it turned out okay because after that, we fell in love.” Brooke crouched so that she was eye level with her wife and asked quietly, “Ready?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Vanessa gasped when Brooke uncovered her eyes and she saw a (very obviously) homemade cake with dinner and lit candles all around the kitchen. She turned to Brooke, who said, “Happy birthday, Vanjie.” Vanessa beamed. Pocketed.

“It’s a coconut cake,” Brooke said. “Your favorite.”

The excitement on Vanessa’s face made all the burnt cakes in their trash can worth it. “Well, this is all very nice of you,” Vanessa looked at Brooke, and her heart felt full. She looked at the small dish next to the cake, “And look! The chocolate sauce is on the side!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr @ piroueting!


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